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Good Grief continued...

First of all, it's no news flash that the process of getting through a breakup mirrors that of grieving any loss. (Would that all ailing relationships afforded us clear, simple, and painless "time to go" signals and processes as clear as BD's...but still.)

But I have reinforced my conviction that no matter what kind of loss you're facing, it's time to buck up when the pain gets...easy. Not easy to have, but easy to use. Efficient for its simplifying effect on your life.

See, at first when you say, "My pet/relationship just passed on; I can't deal with [rest-of-life thing] right now," you are telling the honest-to-dog truth. At some point when you keep saying it, though, you are not lying, but you are...leaning. Leaning on a "reason" to keep your scope narrow and safe, to write a short column week after week, to manage pain moment-to-moment instead of figuring out how to have it without being it.

Please, oh please, click here to read my full rant/revelation on pain, which came to me after the codeine cleared from the Wisdom Tooth Wars of 1998. (It's one of my all-time favorite columns; the only new advice I'd add is: get 'em yanked right before Halloween so you can go as Violet Beauregard.) Having pain is part of life, and you need to make decisions in order to manage and survive it; but don't let it become who you are.

NEXT:
OK, what kind of decisions?