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Dear Breakup Girl,

I've noticed that you print letters that flatter you and tell you how cool you are. So, I love your column -- I'm addicted to it. However, I'm now two months out of the relationship and I'm still sad, hurt, demoralized, etc.

The brief history. Met Mr. Wonderful last August. We had a happy, fun, fulfilling relationship. Never had I met someone with whom I had so much in common, and so much chemistry. Within four months, I was in love. He wasn't.

Yet, everything about our relationship seemed to indicate that he was. He treated me with the utmost respect, the sex was fab, he bought me cool gifts, integrated me into his social circle, introduced me to the family, etc.

But. The more he wouldn't tell me he loved me or explain what he thought the future might hold, the angrier I got. I would flip out over stupid, petty things, and then scream and cry and put myself down in front of him. To the tune of: "I'm such a loser, no one will ever love me. I hate myself." Now, I do realize that was really emotionally manipulative and mean. Plus, I'm an attractive, intelligent, cool chick -- so I should never have said wack sh*t like that.

But, I did. One too many times. So, after nine months, he broke it off. Told me that "he loves me, but isn't in love with me." How a clever man could invoke such a cliche, I will never know.

I dealt with it horribly. Constant, harassing phone calls, crying; generally acting hysterical. Then I stopped. Sent a friendly e-mail now and then, but no real contact.

Then. Last Friday he calls as I'm on my way to dinner with friends, so, we don't chat much. Unbelievably, the next day I run into him (with his entire family) at a restaurant during lunch. We're very friendly with one another and seeing him feels natural. So, I feel great. However, right after he leaves, I'm talking with my friends and then just burst into tears. Torrential. I run to the bathroom. All the hurt that I've tried to get over comes back. And I realize: I still love him. Damn it! So, I send a lighthearted e-mail on Monday. No response.

Why did he call me? How do I get the heck over this when I kind of don't want to?

-- Hurting

Dear Hurting,

Clever girl! Of course I had to print that one! So...meta!

So. Why did he call? Can't say for sure. Maybe just a white flag...maybe a red one. Seems like -- for whatever reason -- this guy brought out your inner wacko. Not necessarily your bad, nor his. Certain combinations just do that, the way baking soda and vinegar erupt like a science fair volcano.

And speaking of perfectly natural/chemical reactions, of course seeing him turned you into Mount St. Hurting. Even if/after you felt great. Why wouldn't you? You may be well on your way to -- or even at -- Over It , and still. I'd call talking to -- and seeing -- him a pretty hefty trigger. (I mean, remember what happened to Friday in Ghost Ex.) Basically (a) it's been only two months, and (b) God forbid you should date someone you wouldn't miss.

So consider that maybe, maybe, you are -- almost -- over him. Or at least on the right track. Depending on what you think "over him" means. It doesn't mean you don't still think of him, that it doesn't sting when you do. Never mind what happens when you see him. Part of what's in your way now -- besides just plain wanting him back -- is also wanting a do-over. You must be like, "Hey, um, can we try that again, without the parts where I freaked out in an entirely unflattering and non-endearing manner?"

The other part is time. Which, cornily yet scientifically, does heal. If you let it. Remember this IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM about what "over it" means: You might still have a little piece of that person stuck on your back, in that place you can't reach. But it's on your back, not in your way.

And for what it's worth, it's good that you noticed that the wack/wacko stuff didn't feel or sound like you. But hey, you're human -- and I'll also bet you are indeed an attractive, intelligent, cool chick. See, I also like to print letters that flatter you and tell you how cool you are. Now date someone who does, and you're all set.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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She's a rich software chick, he's a scrappy sound guy...will his pride trump true love?