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As Tamala Edwards also notes: "Single women are used to hearing this complaint, and most don't buy it. 'Some in my family think I'm not stopping till I find perfection,' says Henneberry. 'I don't feel like that. I just want the one who makes me go, Finally.'"

Yeah. First of all, if anything, many women who write to me are asking for way too little. Second of all, sure, that may be what we "want," but we know it's not what we get. Women -- and men -- understand that there's a difference between settling and jiggering expectations, thank you very much. In fact, we know full well that doing so often helps us wind up with someone better, in ways we never expected. We know that thoughtfully/self-knowingly determined standards and needs are unrelated to wish-list wants. And we know that at the end of the day/date, Gut Feeling beats Checklist the way scissors beats paper.

Right?

Well. You have DoTelled me about your dealbreakers, and very eloquently/generously/Kirn-refutingly, I might add:

"Most dealbreakers [well, these are more like peeves, but anyway -- BG] end up being one more thing to love about a boyfriend and the thing I end up missing the most. My last boyfriend was a nighttime mouth-breather, never cut his toe nails, insisted on shopping exclusively at Ross, and watched Sports Center incessantly. Two weeks without him and I think I'd cry if I tried to watch a baseball game on TV, and at night I kind of miss those little scratches on my legs from his talons." -- Amanda

But honestly, the most shoppinglisty things I've heard from men and women, all these years, basically go something like, "He has to like dogs and olives. Ideally." Well, okay, that's me. So I want to know: men and women -- what are the silliest items on your "checklist" (or auto-disqualifier list)? No Birkenstocks? No women who spend weekends on the Hamptons? No "lawyers who don't want to be lawyers?" No superheros? (All those, I've heard.) What, if any, are the ugliest? Salary / square-foot minimums? Ex-girl/boyfriend maximums? (Those, never.) The ones you say you have but really don't? The one you said you'd never budge on...but you did? This is where you get to admit and laugh at it. This is where we get to prove that maybe we've got lists tucked away somewhere, but they're written on filmy rice paper that we'll stuff in our mouths and swallow when The Opposite -- or at least Close Enough -- asks us to dance.

Right?

So, gals and guys, bring 'em on. What are your "I don't date..."s and your "I date only..."s ? Do Tell! We'll make a definitive list. And hey, if you ask nicely, maybe we'll mix and match.

FIRST LETTER:
Predicament of the Week: "Do you choose safety and security, or passion and uncertainty?"

FIRST LETTER:
Predicament of the Week: "Do you choose safety and security, or passion and uncertainty?"