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Dear Breakup Girl,

Last summer, I wrote you about my (seemingly) inexplicable tendency to get into relationships with Wrong Men, a.k.a. Not Very Smart, (whereas I'm a hard core academic) and Serious Substance Abuse Issues (whereas I'm sober 24-7-365). The problem turned out to be not-so-inexplicable, however, as you gave some great advice and helped me get perspective. So I chilled, stopped dating for a while, learned to quell the lusty "Yeah he's a dawg, but he's hot, grrrr!" impulses, and have basically stayed out of trouble.

Now I have the opposite problem: I'm dating a guy who's too good for me. Mr. Wrong gets traded for Mr. Too Right.

I know what you're thinking. "Too good for you? Grrl, have confidence! Love yourself! You deserve the best, so how can a man be too good?" Normally, I'd be right there with you. But Breakup Girl, this guy really is just too much. He is like the paragon of every ideal character trait I'm looking for. The talent. The brains. The personality. The oh-my-God sexiness factor. And (here's the kicker) he's a semi-celebrity (actor/musician and if told you who it is, Breakup Girl, you would know who I mean) and rising fast. As in, basically B-list now and possibly A-list within a year or two. And I am PETRIFIED.

I am a real world, low key, non-celeb girl. My talent is academic, nothing that will ever get me in the spotlight. His life, meanwhile, is about studio contracts, award ceremonies, signing autographs, and guest appearances on national television. He is happy to share it all with me, but I have nothing like that to share with him. I wish I did so I could feel more like an equal. Apart from that though, we have so much in common, it's incredible. We have great conversations for hours and love doing all the same things. The sexual chemistry between us is off the charts, and he totally seems to dig me. But I'm still gripped with the paralyzing fear that he will get bored with me. I worry I will fall in love with him and then lose him and be crushed. And then I'll have to see his face all over TV and magazines and that could make breakup recovery ridiculously painful.

He's so adorable, Breakup Girl, and for some reason I cannot explain, he seems as smitten with me as I am with him. When he acts like he's the lucky one to be with me, I can't even get my mind around that thought. It's unfathomable. How can I shape up?

-- "Plain" Jane

Dear "Plain" Jane,

I am not even gonna try to guess who he is, 'cause I'm afraid I'll be right.

Anyway, look, Jane, anyone would be nervous about dating a rising star, and not just because Gregoire can be counted on to put you both in your place. Are you kidding me? Anyone could get that "What does he see in me through the paparazzi's glare?" complex. Anyone could feel less-glam-than-thou. Anyone could wonder why he's not dating Sheryl Crow instead.

And frankly, anyone would be nervous about dating anyone who's "the paragon of every ideal character trait" one's looking for. Hey, no pressure to get it "right!" And not just in order to stay out of the gossip columns. I mean, Jane, it was easy when they were wrong, wasn't it? You didn't have to worry about care and feeding. You didn't have to worry about making it last longer than the hit of the week. And when it ended, there was an obvious "incompatible" (and "there I went again") diagnosis, wasn't there? But now -- you worry -- it would be, like, you. That's scarier than those Justin-Britney rumors. This guy is A-list, for you. And Jane, the more it matters, the more you freak. Makes sense. More sense, even, than the simplest lyrics.

What to do? I'm not sure quite how to tell you to do this, but: find a way to trust that he probably loves that you aren't part of his world. Trust that you bring plenty to the table. Trust that you're probably, like, the only normal down-to-earth person he's dealt with since who knows when. Find a way to do that, and I bet you guys will stay off the charts no matter where he is on them.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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