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Dear Breakup Girl,

I get jealous. Yes, I am the guy you hate, the one who gets jealous of my girlfriend's past relationships that happened before I even knew about her. And, honestly, I hate it, too! How can I get over it? I get jealous about stupid stuff, and I hate it! Please give me some advice that will help me deal with my jealousy. And I know you may think I am a bad guy, but at least I realize I have a problem and want to make things better.

--Andy

Dear Andy,

Oh, I don't hate you. You're not a bad guy. Pangs of jealousy are one thing; inflicting them on your gal is another. (And while I'm at it, pangs of jealousy about anyone our partners dared date before they met us is one thing; feelings of judgment about the [number of] boys a girl has dated is...two standards.)

Either way, Belleruth suggests, you may wish to question not her past, but rather your motives, as in: "Why might make myself think things that will spoil my enjoyment of a relationship?" Do you think you're not good enough? Is finding fault more fun than ... fun? Is it less scary to be scared of past relationships than of the present one? And as you mull that over, consider this

IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM: If you feel like youºre in the shadow of your exºs past, donºt think about who was great before, think about whatºs great now.

So Andy: don't try to be the best boyfriend she's ever had, try to be the best boyfriend you've ever been. Like, someone all her friends will be jealous of now. Okay?

Love,
Breakup Girl and Belleruth

 
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