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Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend has a woman calling at 3:30 AM asking over his voice mail if he is going to cut her grass. He does have his own landscaping business, but she was intoxicated and this doesn't seem right. He didn't care if I called her and left her a message saying not to call that late. Is he cheating?

--Lisa

Dear Lisa,

I love a man who can trim a topiary, but who knew that landscapers were babe magnets [on the level of DJs] ?! Anyway. When Buck Owens laments, "Who's Gonna Mow Your Grass?" it's kind of, you know, winsome. But throw in "3:30 AM" and "intoxicated" -- and "cut my grass" starts to sound, you know, dirty. (Like, if someone called me up in the middle of the night and slurred, "When you gonna give me some ... advice?" I'd call the cops.) Either this gal has a fertile fantasy life that your boyfriend really is trying to nip it in the bud -- or else his letting you call her sounds like some sort of pachysandra ("ground cover") to me. Keep digging until you hit the truth.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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