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Dear Breakup Girl,

BG!!! I'm in rilly, rilly big trouble. Last week, I was in this restaurant having evening drinks with couple of female friends when a couple whom I happen to know sat next to my table and we started talking because we hadn't seen each other for a long time. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw this outrageously beautiful woman walking into the restaurant and heading towards my friend's table. The rest of the evening was kind of a blur, and all I remember was that the woman has a dog named Jesus Christ and a cat named Mayhem. She likes John Coltrane and doesn't give a damn who John Elway is.

When she offered me her business card, as is customary in Asia, I was so blanked out that I didn't offer her mine. After I had recovered over the weekend, I dropped by her office during lunchtime on Monday and left my business card. She called back the same afternoon and when I heard her voice, it seemed like an angel had come down from heaven to whisper in my ears. Again, I can't remember what we talked about other than my asking her out on a date fully expecting to be brushed off. Instead, it was a, "Sure, I would love that..."

Now, BG, you know I don't ever do irrational things, but right now I know I want to marry this woman. Call off the dogs, the search is over!!! I'm completely terrified about the upcoming date. Forget about the bags of tricks, forget about being sleek (as you put it the last time), I do not know what to do. I really do not know what to do. Please don't say: "Dude, get a hold of yourself and be yourself." I can't. Here are the facts of the case:

a) I don't know this woman,
b) I'm way too old to behave like a teenager,
c) I know this verse by Plato: "...to the stars your face is turned, would I were the heavens, looking back at you with ten thousand eyes" that I want to say to her,
d) is this possible?

I know BG has a great many responsibilities, but this case requires speedy intervention. It is that serious!

—El Duderino

Dear, Dear El Duderino!

I like this girl. More to the point, you do. Which is even more to the point than you think.

Finding someone to feel that way about, right off the bat or over time, is more than half the battle for many. Look, tons of people write to me about how they don't like anyone enough to date them – or how they don't like anyone they are actually dating enough. About how they're driven by that tepid give-it-a -chance feeling. With senses and standards so dulled that they actually start to wonder if sparks are a bonus.

You, right now, do not have that problem. As far as your crazy chaotic out-there Platonic (as in "form") feelings are concerned, you've got yourself a date with that giddy kitty called Mayhem. Enjoy it. Savor it. Feel the clear heat, flash and prickle, like a wasabi OD. Let it spin your head. Yum yum.

"Be yourself?" I don't even know what that means. "Get a hold of yourself?" Why? I understand that you feel like you're walking on hot coals and eggshells all at once and you so don’t don't don't want to mess up, but Dude, don't Try to get this one Right. I'm not saying you should throw all restraint to the wind and propose when you pull up at her door – hey, give yourself something to look forward to – nor that you need to play all your cards so close to your silk vest. Go with it, whatever "it" is.

Especially because she sounds cool. Way cool. Quirky and forthright and up for whatever. It's not like you're asking me how to play it with some delicate shrinking violet who will be crushed into brittle tea leaves by one false Dude move.

Okay, Dude? Have fun. Just let the angels sing the ballads, and let us know when the risotto's done.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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