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Predicament of the Week
In which Breakup Girl addresses the situation that has, this week, brought her the most (a) amusement, (b) relief that it is happening to someone else, and/or (c) proof that she could not possibly be making this stuff up.

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am getting married this summer (happy happy — I have a wonderful man!), and I am bisexual. My fiancé and I have an understanding about the whole bi-situation, and my sexual identity does NOT undermine my hetero-marriage. (That's my standard disclaimer, because everyone gets confused as to how a bisexual woman can get married to a straight male, but I digress.)

The issue at hand: my parents are in the middle of their divorce. Two summers ago, they were still living together, though not getting along very well. I was living in my hometown and became friends with a female coworker at my father's business. "D" and I became rather close rather quickly and eventually did the deed. We spent the majority of the summer just having fun: going to bars, listening to music, attending concerts, and flirting our cute butts off with each other.

Then September hits, and wham. My parents separate, and it turns out that "D" and my father are having an affair. Have been for about a year. This majorly creeps me out because it means that my father and I have slept with the same person. Ick. Ick. Also, "D" did us at the same time, on purpose. Heebie-jeebies to the extreme.

Presently, I am not speaking to my father very much. I am now out-of-state, and he makes no effort to contact me. I told him about me and "D", but for some reason it made no difference in their relationship. They are now living together.

The question of the moment is: do I invite him to our wedding? We are inviting his entire family. Daddy dearest has lost a great deal of my respect ("D" is my age — yet another ick) and has not been much of a father for the past couple of years, yet he IS my father, and I feel as if perhaps I SHOULD invite him. And if I do, do I have to invite "D"?? Please say no. Just looking for some input here. Thanks.

—Hello-My-Family-Has-Gone-Crazy-Girl

Dear Hello-My-Family-Has-Gone-Crazy Girl,

DO: Invite pops for form's sake. You don't know where the relationship with him will end up, and yes, he is your pops.

DON'T: Do not, however, walk down the aisle with pops if you don't want to. Do not even talk to pops if you do not want to, but send him an invite.

DON'T: Do not invite D (who is the greater infidel here, as she tricked both father and daughter). Address the invitation only to him, no "guest" or anything. Make it clear in a separate terse communication (e-mail, note, whatever) that D is absolutely not to show. Without threatening, make the underlying deal plain as day: it's just him, or no one.

That, by the way, was the response that breakupgirl.net's Actual Psychologist, Belleruth Naparstek, gave when asked to perform a Weirdness Check. But note, from its content, that it could just as easily have come from breakupgirl.net's Official Relationship Etiquette Expert. Oh wait, that's me. But here's my point: if THIS imbroglio can be duly addressed with what amounts to manners — asking oneself not "What bad behavior on my part does that bad behavior 'justify?'" but rather "What appropriate, dignified, clear, non-tacky behavior of mine will finesse the mess left by that bad behavior?" — then I can't imagine which one wouldn't. Everyone remember that. Please.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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