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Dear Breakup Girl,

What is the proper punishment for the man who said, "Let's go to Paris for New Year's," and then after I had arranged free upgrades (both ways -- he paid for economy), free dinners at expensive restaurants, a virtual tour of Paris, government press access to the festivities, access to dinners at Genuine Parisian Homes, etc., etc. ... I ask you, O Wise One, what is the proper punishment for this man who at the airport after the trip, after I said "Let's get together this weekend" -- after two years, mind you -- said, "Don't count on it." He then sent me a "Dear John" form letter the next week? Misery is his, of course. But what revenge is mine?

-- Mary Alice

Dear Mary Alice,

Zut, alors! You'll always have Paris, indeed. Shudder.

First, let me say this: Let s/he who would not at least have considered (for a fleeting evil moment) staying together for the Champs Elysees cast the first stone.

Beyond that, Marie Alice, take admittedly chilly comfort in this knowledge: due to the guilt of knowing all along that the guillotine was gonna fall, for him this trip was the best of times and the worst of times.

Now. Remember, according to BG's Revenge Aptitude Test, revenge is permissible only if it is (a) actually warranted, (b) "victimless," and (c) clever. How about sending him a one-way ticket to, I don't know, Paris? Point made; no one (else) gets hurt. Anyone's got any other good -- elegant, dignified, BG-appropriate -- ideas, Do Tell.

And hey, Mary Alice, BG will be in Paris for Memorial Day Weekend (chouette!). Let me know if there are any tree-carved initials you need sanded down or anything.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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