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Dear Breakup Girl,

I have this problem with my boyfriend; he wanted sex so I gave it to him. Well, now he wants it every time we are together. I decided that maybe he isn't the one for me, but I hate to think that because he is really sweet and reliable. This is like the only problem we have. Well, kinda like the only problem I have. I am only 16 and am not ready to be a parent yet. He is 20 so he thinks that if I do get pregnant, he can take care of it while I am in school. I don't want that.

Please help. I have tried to talk to him about it and he just won't listen. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to break up with him, but I don't want to have sex all the time either. I have only had sex once and would like to keep it that way. What can I do to help our relationship work?

-- Trish

Dear Trish,

Okay, sweetie. While you are at school, your boyfriend could maybe take care of your Pekingese. Not your baby. Plus: it's hard to imagine this right now, but once you have a baby, you have a kid. 24/7. And also until that kid is as old as you are, and then some. Like, forever. So you are very, very right to not want that right now.

Now. Just because you "gave" someone sex doesn't mean you've passed the point of no return. Not ever, but especially when you're new at it. Like, you can be willing to try the fried snails, but that doesn't mean you have to order them again -- but that, in turn, doesn't mean you don't like the restaurant. You know? Please, sweetie, if you don't want to have sex again, you don't have to. YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

You sound like a smart cookie, so I'll bet that you do know what I just said somewhere inside. But how do you work it all out on the outside? Look, I knowknowknow that you are psyched to have this sweet cute reliable cool older boyfriend. And I know that you don't want to not have him. But, well, perhaps the hardest news to hear here is that your boyfriend may have a hard time accepting what you want (or don't want) -- that is, having to give up a whole new aspect of your relationship that he thought he had. In fact, it's possible that he may not want the relationship any more without that. I'm not saying whether or not that's okay, I'm just saying he may feel that way.

The part that really wouldn't be okay is if you were to decide to keep doing it just to keep him coming back. Once you're doing that, cutie, you don't have the kind of love life that Breakup Girl wants you to have: like, the kind that's FUN. I don't want you doing stuff in order to keep someone; that is SO NOT FUN. It will make you feel weirder and ickier than you do right now. I want you doing stuff -- call me old-fashioned, but fun stuff like movies and Playstation and inline skating and kissing -- because you already have someone.

So now can you find the courage to tell him that you don't want to have sex any more? And to stick to your guns, no matter what he says? (I know it's totally scary, but so is having sex, and you did that!) Mainly, kiddo, I want you to hold out -- and I know you can -- 'til you don't feel like sex is something you're "giving" to someone. When you're ready, when you've found the right person (take your time!!!), I want it to be -- and I know it can -- the gift that keeps on giving, to you.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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