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| March 27, 2000 CONTINUED |
e-mail to a friend in need
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PREDICAMENT OF THE WEEK > Dear Breakup Girl, A long while ago, you responded to "B," who asked for advice on starting over after breaking up with his girlfriend. Something B said in his letter has been bothering me for a while now: "In a relationship of this nature, it's inevitable to lose most of your single friends." Is this true, Breakup Girl? When you're in a serious relationship, is it expected that you will lose touch with your uncoupled friends? Please say it ain't so! Over the past seven years (I'm 25 now), I have "lost" a number of friends to their romantic relationships. I completely understand that my in-love friends will have less time to spend with me. I know that I probably won't see them or talk to them as often as I used to, and that's cool. But to go from hanging out every other weekend to chatting on the phone every six months? Frankly, it hurts, and it makes me question whether someone was really my friend in the first place. I used to think that this friend-blow-off behavior was only embraced by a few insecure, guy-dependent women. But as more and more of my friends drop almost completely out of my life when romance beckons, I am beginning to think that I'm the one who's screwed in the head. Whenever I'm dating someone, I make sure to continue spending time every week with my friends. I love my friends, and I have so much fun with them -- different from romance-fun, but equally good. Honestly, I don't see how I could make my social life dependent on just one person without going insane. So am I in the minority because I believe in devoting a fair share of my time to my friends? Does it mean that I'm not ready for a truly intimate relationship? --Loyal to a Fault
Au contraire. Though we've seen M.'s unfortunate friend-fallout, above, you are thinking about and doing everything right. Your letter serves as a pre-cautionary tale and as a shining example -- and as proof that you are truly ready for a truly intimate relationship. Love, < PREVIOUS || PREDICAMENT OF THE WEEK > |
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