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Dear Breakup Girl,

A few years ago, I met a girl. We became best friends right away and did everything together. Then, very abruptly, after about a year, she didn't want to hang out with me anymore. I was hurt and confused; I wrote her letters and left her messages to which she never responded.

Then I found out from a mutual friend that she had had a huge crush on me and was coming to terms with being gay, and it was really hard for her. I was relieved that it wasn't my fault, but also angry that she had thrown our friendship away over this. I felt a little weird about it at first, but I desperately wanted to be her friend again. Her friends were extremely supportive and reached out to me. We hung out a lot, and I could tell it really bothered her. Eventually, we had a conversation on IM (lame, I know), and she told me about everything and apologized for the way she had treated me. I understood, and, fast forward about six months, we were great friends again. We've totally reinstituted our bond and are together a lot of the time.

The thing is, I'm really confused about my feelings for her. I think I might love her. I've had crushes before, and this isn't one of them. Sometimes I sleep in her bed with her, and I just wish we were together. When she got a girlfriend, or when she talks about her crushes, it hurts. I can't tell if this is how I've felt all along or if this is new. I don't know if I am only feeling this way because I know about her previous feelings or because I can't have her or both. I don't know how she feels about me. We act like sisters, and every once in a while, she apologizes for what happened between us.

I'm scared on a lot of levels to tell her about this. I don't want to risk messing up our friendship again. Maybe she doesn't even have feelings for me any more. Even if we did go out, it probably wouldn't last, and then what would happen? I don't want to make enemies with her girlfriend; I don't want to break them up! Should I wait until they stop going out? I've never been in a real relationship before, and I'm a little phobic. Maybe I'm just lonely? I feel that if I don't tell her, then I'm being really false, and I don't want that. The longer I wait, the more it hurts. Should I go through with telling her? Is it worth losing her again?

--Meg

Dear Meg,

Whatever your feelings are, whenever they started, and why ... doesn't matter. You have them, and they're strong. And they hurt. Which brings your quandary into the realm of one of my From Friends to Lovers rules: if the crush is interfering with a friendship -- as opposed to hurts-so-good enhancing it with a tingly 10%-more-fruit-juice flava -- then you are allowed to do or say something. If only to preserve -- never mind expand on -- the friendship.

Do or say what? She has a girlfriend. And Breakup Girl also has a No Poaching rule. So if you do say something (you could IM if you want -- not lame; safe), it might have to be about why you need to keep a respectful -- of her girlfriend and yourself -- distance for a little while. Maybe no sleepovers? Or casting spells together, which is apparently very intense. I mean, I don't want it to hurt when you're with her, and I'm sure she doesn't either. Take it from there. I know it could get a little weird for a little while, but it sounds like your friendship has pretty strong magic powers.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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