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Dear Breakup Girl,

The guy I am seeing is 17, and I am 13. My parents won't let me have anything to do with him, let alone date him. We love each other a lot, but we're not allowed to see each other! Help!

--Katie

Dear Katie,

Somewhere out there -- whether it's you or not -- there's a teen saying to his/her parents, "But you guys are four years apart, and you're allowed to be together!" Well...right. The way a grownup might see it, the difference between 13 and 17 is way different from the difference between, say, 42 and 46. Why? Because the smaller the first (or only) digit in your age, the more growing you smoosh into each year. Why, think how different you were even last year. Your clothes probably don't fit (never mind that they're so 1900s) , your group of friends might have shifted, you didn't even know geometry existed ... you might even have been in a different school. So think how much living and changing and growing Mister Seventeen has packed in since he was "your age." You're just one year away from not even having a "teen" in your age, while he's old enough to vote and fight and be your "guardian" at R movies. Not to mention that parents have a wired-in fear -- whether or not it has anything to do with reality -- of "older" guys "taking advantage" of their PG-13 daughters.

Now Katie, I'm talking about straight numbers and measurable experience here, not basic maturity and compatibility. I am not saying you're "just a kid," or that you two shouldn't be together. I'm just trying to give you a parents' eye view. And more specifically, my general advice to teens, above, has your name all over it. Can you stay out with him (or can he come over) after school until a certain time? Can you go on "dates" with someone old enough to be his guardian in the general vicinity (or at the beginning and end?) Speaking of which, would they like to meet his parents? Katie, you may not get exactly your way, but in this case, you are old enough to at least have a vote.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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