< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >
 

Dear Breakup Girl,

Why is it that whenever I get over a guy (or convince myself so) to whom I was formerly deeply attached, they somehow know it and become flirtatious within almost hours of that time!?! I really want to whine, but (being an avid visitor of your magnifico site) I know that it would be so much easier if everyone's ex was an ugly mean troll, but they're just not ... eh, on the outside anyway.

Why do I write, you ask? Well, I'm currently in the stage of getting past my ex: I've gotten a life; I'm lookin' great and strutting my stuff (especially when he's nearby), but sometimes I just fear how strong I really am. Will I have the strength to keep strutting/ignoring him while he's putting those crafty moves on me? I just don't understand why it is that this guy (and others, too, not just him) doesn't act flirty or attracted to me when I'm flirting/attracted to him! Yet, when I finally show disinterest and aloofness, it sparks something in his head, and he reaches out to make contact and flirt, etc., etc. What's with this whole "forbidden fruit" thing, wanting what's out of reach? It's boggling my mind.

--Flabbergasted Fiona

Dear Fiona,

Rats! It's honestly nothing personal, but I hate letters (kiiiinda like Dumped Before I Was Taken's, above) that seem to offer empirical evidence of the whole "the more you dis, the more he dotes" thing! So let's add a few more finessed observations:

First of all, the archetypal Chasing Instinct is not an Every Single Guy thing. Plenty of easily cowed/impatient/whatever guys aren't gotten by "hard to get." Seems like you tend to (have) date(d) the "type" (for lack of a better word) who are.

But there's a difference between end-in-itself flirting and end-in-bed flirting. What you're getting -- with all due respect -- may be the latter. I don't mean to doubt your FlirtDar, but heck, maybe anything that's not, you know, fighting over who gets the Steely Dan box set, feels like a hot breath of flirtatious air on your neck. Maybe you are not whining, but rather emitting a high-pitched signal, audible to exes, that says: "Pretty much over you! In theory, it's safe to flirt now because it will cause neither mind games nor indoor sports!"

So how to summon your strength? Take the bedroom eyes not as an invitation, but as a vote of confidence that you'll be irresistible to the next new guy you <sigh> totally ignore.

Love,
Breakup Girl

PS: Also, don't start dating trolls just to make the getting-over easier.

< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >