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Dear Breakup Girl,

I have a major crush on my dentist. I've been going to the same one for about six years and think he is divine. He is about my age (mid-thirties), very handsome, funny, and unmarried. I go to have my teeth cleaned twice a year and have yet to say anything more than small talk. He responds with similar small talk. However, during my last visit, he was unusually talkative and gave me a lot of information: how he moved his mother down and helped her buy a house, about his niece being potty-trained, about how nice it is to see couples together being so loving towards one another... This showed me a side of him that (in my eyes) makes him even more interesting!

However, there I sat. I listened and responded, smiled, etc. He asked me if I was staying home for the holidays or going to New York (I'm from Queens), if I was a good cook, and if I went out to eat a lot. I basically answered his questions and smiled a lot. (I was actually having a cavity filled.) The thing is, I just can't bring myself to ask out my dentist. I feel like if he was really interested, he would be the one to make the first move. Call me old-fashioned, but I have found that when a woman makes the first move, she often has to continue making the first move. Yuck!

My plan (your opinion, please!) is to ask him to join me for a group function. My brother and his girlfriend will be there for moral support. My best friend suggested I find another dentist now, so that if things don't work out on the date, I can just stop going to his office altogether. The thing is...do I want to risk going out on a date with this person and risk having to find another dentist when I'd rather have a great dentist and be dateless? Help!

--J

Dear J,

All that, and you get your teeth cleaned only twice a year?

You'd rather have a great dentist and be dateless?

4 out of 5 superheros say you've got it backwards.

I'm not saying with total clairvoyance that he likes you for sure, but let's say he does: I could see why he'd hesitate to make the first move: if you think about it, the doctor/patient dynamic a little dicier in his direction (like, he's the one with the drill). So I'd say this is one case where if someone's gonna make a move, you might have to. And again, why not? "There are other fish in the sea" is not helpful, but "there are other good dentists in New York City" is a fact; you can manage to take your cavities elsewhere. So many people -- in this week's column, even -- complain that there's no one even to crush on; you've got someone right, um, above your nose. So once you've rinsed, speak up and ask out. Group function sounds appropriate. Bring floss. And let us know what happens.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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