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Dear Breakup Girl,

Tell me if this is fair. My boyfriend keeps his own place, to which I do not have any access. He spends a majority of the time at my place; he has a key. He feels very comfortable at my place and certainly makes himself at home, but we do not go to his place together often. He keeps clothes and other personal items at my house, but I have nothing of mine at his. I feel excluded. Is he trying to hide something because he has shut me out of his world and haven? He told me a while back that his place could be our haven -- a place to get away -- like a hotel room for the night, but he has made no effort to make that happen. Should I be upset with him?

--Janet

Dear Janet,

It may be that he has something to hide, or that his place is such a mess that he can't find anything in the first place. In other words, it may be a matter as simple as laziness/convenience, or as serious as deception. But -- even if it's the former -- he needs to make room for your feelings, if not your things. Tell him how you feel; open the conversation. It may be nothing; it may be something; he may dismiss your concerns (that's "something"). So that's the first door you need a key for.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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