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Dear Breakup Girl,

I'm 28 years old, female, and bisexual. My chief hobby of the moment is acting in community theatre. I broke up with my girlfriend of 1.5 years about four months ago. The chief impetus of this was that I started massage therapy for stress relief, and began to change some of my emotional habits, which included being a doormat. I have and continue to discover many things about myself, including the belief that I am capable of finding my soulmate regardless of gender.

Recently I went to rehearse part of a couple dance with this other actor (let's call him Renowned Warrior, which is what his real name means). So we went to the parking lot, and RW says that he doesn't have a chance to eat before he comes to rehearsal, and do I know of anyplace besides the usual hangout to get a bite. I started to give him directions to another place, and after I was finished he looked at me quizically and asked if I'd like to go with him. So finally this lass clues in and picks up on the fact that RW is looking at her rather intently, and manages to say yes. We rehearse and stand in the hallway talking and discover that we're both single (good thing), and go out to eat.

I of course had to check with another friend to see if this was an interest thing, and considering that he didn't ask anyone else along, I figured it was a safe assumption. We had a very good talk over veggie burgers, and wound up moving out to the parking lot where we stood and talked until 1 in the morning. RW had indicated that he was interested by paying me compliments, such as: "Wow, you lost 50 pounds? Well, you look great now," and "I was happy to find out you were 28, and when I asked why, he said, "Because I though you were cute."

Now, RW is a hunk of a man, ten years my senior, broke up with his girlfriend of seven months about the same time as I, has a ten year old daughter, and is probably the most sensitive and gentle and talented person of the male persuasion I've ever met. I took to him immediately. This was two months ago (roughly). We also discussed when we could get together and rehearse more, and settled on that Sunday. He then suggested some sort of an "activity" to make a day of it, like dinner and a movie. Now to any resonably aware female, this means "date," though I overanalyzed it over the next week, and finally came to the conclusion that I should see how it played out. It went fine, and during the movie I slipped my arm under his (since it was a scary movie), and he didn't move away or anything. We then sat in front of my house in his car and talked (really!), and he said that he had some issues about his ex, and that he wanted to explore dating, but wouldn't want anything physical to happen until he'd resolved his rebounded-ness. I respect this, when one is ready, and not before, one should go out and do things again. I was disappointed, but prepared to be patient, since he'd touched my heart in little ways already.

So rehearsals progressed and he has gone out of his way to wait after rehearsals to talk to me, even if it is only a short goodbye, and he makes certain to give
me a hug when there isn't anyone else around. Otherwise, in the close community theatre atmosphere, things may get blown out of proportion. I became agitated maybe three weeks ago and asked him if he was still interested. I tend to overanalyze. He answered very considerately, saying that he was still dealing
with his issues (like thinking about his ex, buying the kind of cookies she likes etc.), and didn't want a romantic relationship until he'd gotten to know "the person" in all their seasons. He didn't specifically say me at all. So I felt like an idiot, and proceeded to continue acting with decorum around him. Not going out of my way to be flirty or touch his arm, but continuing to talk and accept hugs from him. All this while I'm thinking about him more and more, and am completely infatuated.

Let me say at this point that my ex lives in NC, so finding this isn't for revenge, or because I crave a relationship of any sort, but because RW is so extraordinary. I've kissed a whole heaping lot of frogs, and I believe he's a true prince. So while repressing my natural tendencies, and doing the stupid thing and waiting for him to get over his ex, I'm wondering (and this is the meat of the problem) if I should continue to date others and if and how I should move past it. I don't really want to, but I know I shouldn't wait for something that may not happen. I suppose it would be easier if he didn't treat me with such courtesy. If, after making a fool of myself, he'd been the least little bit distant, I'd be able to get over it. Also there has never been any intimate
contact between us other than a chaste peck on the cheek, and lots of hugs. I feel that there is an energy between us, when he looks at me, and last week came to the conclusion that it wasn't just me being delusional. I also discussed this with a friend at work, and this friend said that RW wanting to get to know
me better is code for: He doesn't want to date me and isn't interested. This of course has been preying on my mind too.

But sad to say, BG, I think this is the one. The prince charming in shining armor, and I don't want anyone else. I have a hobby (though unfortunately one
that he's a part of), I have friends and a very full schedule. Perhaps I should take up something else (perhaps another theatre group where I don't see him as often? ) How do I move past it?

-- Princess-in-Denial

Dear Princess-in-Denial,

If one of this this guy's hobbies is -- still -- buying the kind of cookies his ex likes, then another is having what I call a Friend-Bound, or Zipless Rebound. Where Rebound (oops!) Warrior, still battle-wearied, gets Everything But from someone cool like you. It's the opposite of a hardcore roll-in-the-hay purge -- more like a big huge repressed power-bonding community theater back rub. He's a good guy, I'm sure, and I'm not saying he's not INTERESTEDinterested. If you can stand it, enjoy the buzz for now; if you can't, sure, audition for the other Pippin this time around. And cast glances around for a knight from the Order of Available. Meanwhile, stay in occasional-reminder contact if you like, and if he's that renowned, he'll slay the evil snickerdoodles and come fighting for you.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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