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Dear Breakup Girl,

How is it that you're dating your boyfriend of a year and a half and everything is going great -- in fact, he buys you skis so that you can go with him to his winter ski house with him and his buddies for the winter because he will miss you too much on those weekends away -- but then a month later he tells you that he doesn't want a girlfriend and wants to go away when he ever he wants. End of conversation -- end of relationship. How do the tables turn so quickly?

-- Cold Winter

Dear Cold Winter,

Oof. So sorry. My only guess, sweetie, is that this turn wasn't quite as quick as it seemed. I'll bet you he meant it when he said he'd miss you; I'll bet he was genuinely thrilled to share his Thule. But I'll also bet that he was going through those warm motions while a layer of "Is this what I want?" ice was forming underneath. Seems like it wasn't something you could work out together; it was something he had to figure out for himself. For his part, he had to do all the nice stuff, even in the face of doubt, even with you in the dark; for him, acting more abruptly would have been premature. I think he was both trying and slipping at the same time.

Still, no matter what the "explanation," I know that this breakup burns like the wind on a stalled chairlift. It will for a while. Please see what kinds of handwarmers -- friends, wallowing, distractions -- you can stuff into your gloves. Get cocoa in the lodge, put your fleecey-socked toes up by the fire.

But here's something you'll see the value of eventually: you have new skis. This is not about stuff; it's not about material consolation prizes. It's about having -- keeping -- something you might not have had without having had this guy: an interest? a skill? a challenge? the inspiration to get a ski house with the girls? something to trade in for the mountain bike you really want? bitter-fond memories of -- and thus, next time, double-black diamond standards for -- a relationship where "everything is going great?" As ski conditions go, those really aren't bad. Stay warm.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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