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Dear Breakup Girl,

I have fancied this girl in my school named Lisa for about six months now. I wrote her a love letter, and she thought it was sweet. I rang her, and she said she would talk to me at school. So I did. I told her how I felt, and she told me she doesn't feel the same way. After that, I tried to convince her into going out with me with more love letters, but it didn't work. My friend rang her, and she agreed to meet with me in the park. She turned up, and we talked. I told her again how I felt, and she listened. She said she wants us to be friends but doesn't want a relationship. I felt really heartbroken after that.

A while later, my friend rang her again, and they had a long chat about me. He begged her and tried to convince her to go out with me. She eventually said yes. My friends at school spoke to her, and she told them she is very close to me and said she would go out with me. I wrote her a letter that some people thought was very sweet and other people thought was over the top. She rang me and asked me whether I would like to see the gym and dance display and I said yes. At the end of the conversation, she said she loved me, and I said I loved her, too. Then my friend rang her for me, and she said to tell me to leave her alone. This upset me, and I rang her immediately after. Her mum wouldn't let me speak to her, and I told her the situation. She wasn't very pleased and threatened to tell the school and complain about me. After half-term, things were okay until that Wednesday, when someone told her I made up a website about her -- which is not true -- and she told her mum and they came into school and complained about me. The next day, I got a warning from a principal to back off and keep my distance and apparently Lisa (whom I fancy) was in tears and said I was pestering her. I am not like that, and I did not mean to upset her. People called me a stalker, and I cried about her and am so upset. I need a lot of help? PLEASE!! I really want that friendship back, and I really need some help on the perfect way to start a relationship with her. She means a lot to me, and I am so sorry if I upset her. I would never have said I was pestering her, and I regret my actions anyway. I think I did pressure her. HELP!! I need the friendship back, and I would like advice to help me on the way to a fresh start to the perfect relationship with her.

--Alex

Dear Alex,

Oh, kiddo. Between Lisa's having no idea what to say, and your classmates having no idea what they're talking about -- and the principal having no choice but to take Mum's word for it -- we've found ourselves in a fine pickle, haven't we?

Well. BG knows how you must love this Lisa. And how that love writes poems in your heart that have just got to find their way out, over and over. And how those poems do not hear the words, "No, thanks."

But here's what I think may have happened, my dear Alex. Lisa was truly touched by your poems and your efforts. Touched enough that she was scared, at first, to hurt your feelings. Scared enough that she said, at first -- well, second -- "yes." Asked often enough that when "no" ran out, all she could find left -- at first -- was "yes." But then things -- both truthful and gossipful -- got really overwhelming. She didn't know what to say in response; so, flailing, she got someone else to say it for her. And we know that sometimes principals and parents must write rules, not poems.

Now what? I think that maybe you can be friends with Lisa someday, but maybe not today, or tomorrow. I think that she, like you, might still be trying to sort out all this confusion, and that she needs to do that by herself. I think that someday, when your classmates have found the next really interesting/inaccurate thing to talk about, there might be room for one teeny weeny slip of paper with one teeny weeny "I'm sorry" on it from you. I don't know if you two can be friends instantly, but as starts go, that might count as fresh.

During the hard and lonely meantime, hang with the friend you trusted enough to talk to Lisa. Write and make websites about other stuff you love (maybe change your e-mail address -- fresh start! -- while you're at it). Do your bravest best.

'Cause still, Alex, I'm not quite sure you're telling me the truth, or at least that you're choosing the right words here. I'm not quite sure that you mean
"friendship" when you say it. I'm not quite sure that -- even after all the grownups have said "no," too -- that you have heard it yourself. I'm not quite sure you get that, well, sweetie, Lisa may not be the one who's going to be your girlfriend. Because how you can tell when you find that girl, is that one, or maybe two, poems turns out to be enough. One of you -- no friends making your calls! -- is enough. Two of you -- not the whole school -- read your love letters, together. And you get some back. That, Alex, is the perfect relationship I want you -- someday soon -- to start.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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