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Dear Breakup Girl,

I hope you can help me. I've been living with a woman for seven years in my house. At first it was great, but after four years she completely changed. She was the opposite of the woman I started dating seven years ago.

She has quit her job and stopped taking care of herself. She sits around complaining that we have no money and, to be perfectly honest, is eating me out of house and home. She refuses to contribute to the economic, emotional, or physical relationship. Some of my friends warned me about her, but I didn't listen. Apparently she grabbed everything she could from her last boyfriend, leaving him with nothing but an empty and soon to be repossessed house.

How can I keep this from happening to me? When I asked her to leave, she said, "No way you're gonna screw me out of anything, Buster!" Some of my friends tell me that I am legally bound to support her since we have lived together for so long. Is "Common-law" the same as marriage in Alberta, Canada? I don't have a lot of money for a lawyer or anything like that, so I'm stuck. Or am I?

--Sucked in and Drowning

Dear Sucked in and Drowning,

Hoo boy. Eating you out of house and home, eh? That's what teenage sons -- not common-law wives -- are supposed to do.

And is that actually what this uncommonly charming young woman is to you? Well, first I checked with the Breakup Girl Legal Department, who shrugged and said, "It's Canada. I don't know. That'll be $425."

Over to the Breakup Girl SuperComputer, which suggests that it's possible that what you have is not a common-law marriage, but merely a "common-law relationship." In which case, according to1995 information from the Alberta Law Foundation, "neither partner has a reponsibility for providing the other with the necessities of life, such as food, clothing, and shelter." (That's right, food.)

Remember, Breakup Girl is only a superhero, not an attorney; this response to your letter does not constitute legal advice on either side of the border. (Disclaimer suggested by the BGLD, for an additional $175.) For actual legal information from actual Canadians -- possibly at less-than-U.S. prices! -- you may wish to try Alberta Dial-a-Law, or the Legal Aid Society of Alberta. I'd suggest asking them what recourse you have not only for protecting your pantry, but also for "encouraging" her to leave in the first place. (Sort of like the way my hockey coach calls legal checking "directing" someone into the boards.)

Now back to the superhero department. Hey, S&D, it's been three years since the charmer changed. Please consider: what's been in it for you to play the helpless, clueless Old Mother Hubbard for so long? Please tell me that next time you'll be hungrier for something better, sooner.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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