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Dear Breakup Girl,

I seem to have lost interest in love, and it worries me. All through high school and college, I had gut wrenching crushes on many girls, and relationships with a few of them. I met my last girlfriend my last year in college. This was also my most intense and intimate relationship. Unfortunately, it ended when she cheated on me with an ex-boyfriend. I was crushed, and it took a year until I really felt that I had gotten over it. Looking back, I think it was partly her insecurity. She was trying to "protect" herself from my inevitably leaving to go to graduate school. Also, I don't think she was ever really over him. (He had left her.) We have since reconciled and even become friends again. Although we live in different states, we e-mail each other every couple of months.

Anyway, since then (five years ago), I've had mild interest in a few women, and two even wanted to go out with me, but I turned them both down. I have not met any women who have blown my socks off or made me pine for them late into the night. At first I was proud that I wasn't letting myself get desperate or dependent, but now it bothers me. I do get lonely every once in a while -- often after I see a romantic movie or a "cute couple in the park" -- and my sex drive seems to be intact; a gorgeous woman will still turn my head and get me drooling, but I won't think about her after she leaves my sight. The upshot is that for the longest time, no one in particular has really captivated me.

So what is going on with me? Is it normal for romantic feelings to fade, am I just getting more mature? Or was I hurt so bad during my last breakup that I'm afraid to get intimate again? Is that really enough to control those feelings that always seemed uncontrollable? Or have all the interesting women suddenly disappeared? Tell me it ain't so!

-- Lost that Lovinž Feeling

Dear Lost that Lovin' Feeling,

Oh, it ain't so. All the interesting women are right here, on my "Why hasn't someone grabbed her up?" list.

Other than that, here's what's happening: you have not yet met any women who have knocked your socks off. I'd say it's -- mostly -- a supply thing. And at the same time, perhaps you're demanding too much. I get that it might have taken a while to get your "Schwwwwinnnnggg!" synapses up and running again; now, maybe you're impatient.

But I will remind you that, LLF, that Mild Interest is a perfectly okay place to start. (Heck, half those "How we met" stories begin something like, "At first, to be honest, I thought she was sort of a pill.") Unromantic as it may sound, you don't need to be captivated in an instant. Pining is not always a plus.

So if I may mix my song cliches, I'd say maybe you're looking for love in all the wrong feelings. You haven't lost interest in love, LLF. I mean, you wrote. Look around, wider-eyed; let the next little somethinsomethin start small. My gut says yours will wrench again.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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