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Dear Breakup Girl,

I am in a strange situation. A close friend of mine is in love with a rock star, and he seems to love her back. Whenever they talk, he asks her if she is going to marry him, and he always makes an effort to keep in contact with her. A big problem for them has been their huge age difference. He promised that when she turns 18, they will be closer. She just turned 18. True to his word, he told her that they are going to hang out and that their relationship will get better. Here, we run into two more problems. One is that he already has a girlfriend. My friend claims that she doesn't want a sexual relationship with him while he's with someone else, but I don't see her being able to say no if he starts to seduce her. The second problem is that I know that he's fooled around with other girls while on tour. He has this whole Poison-esque scene going on backstage that my friend doesn't know about. I would have told her at first, but I knew that it would really hurt her and that she would stop being his friend. When I first found out, I didn't want to break up their friendship when what they had had nothing to do with his sexuality. Since things are now different, I am planning to telling her. I'm a little worried, though, because I have a feeling my name will be invoked when she confronts him on his philandering. He knows who I am. I am in a weird, quasi-friend/romantic relationship with someone in his band (another long story). I think things would get pretty rough for me if she tells him that I'm the one who told her.

I realize that it's totally selfish to hesitate telling my friend that her man isn't a good guy, but I don't want to hurt her friendship with him or with me or my relationship with the guy in the band. I will probably tell her what's going on. It would be horrible if she ended up losing her virginity to him and then found out all the things he does with other girls. I just need another opinion on how this matter should be handled.

-- Between A Rock Star And A Hard Place

Dear Between a Rock Star and a Hard Place,

Yes, you're going to have to be a little more Lilith here. Sex and rock and roll and Nothin'' But a Good Time are all well and good, but for your friend, this would not be one of those laissez-faire mistake-making "learning experiences" where she gets a little too drunk and figures out her limits. Nor is it one of those case-by-case cases where grownups ask me if they should tell a friend her husband is cheating.

Because: How, indeed, will you feel if your sistah (now that she is, eeeeuw, hello, legal) gets hurt -- dare I say "becomes a 'Fallen Angel'" -- because you didn't bust Vince Neil ... on account of you were worried about your own"quasi-friend/romantic relationship?" That's a bit twisted, sister.

So you'll speak to her, yes? Of course you must take her feelings very very seriously when you do, but you should also keep in mind that -- just between you and me -- I don't get the impression that this guy is taking her all that seriously in the first place. I really don't. To the point where your "Every Rose Has its Thorn" intervention -- while, of course, a big deal to you -- is, frankly, not likely to be that much of a blip on these guys' rock star radar in the first place. Come on, he's got a whole "scene" to choose from. You're probably not going to get in that much trouble for tattling; she doesn't have to have a whole big "Look What the Cat Dragged In" confrontation in the first place with this guy. Maybe, with your support, she could sorta let this whole rock anthem repeat and fade, without the repeat part. If your galpal's crushed and lonely, take her to see the Dixie Chicks and plot your next move together.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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