< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >
 

Dear Breakup Girl,

I've been single for half a year or so now, and I've been loving it. My life is lively, full, and fulfilling; I'm earning good money at a job I enjoy while finally progressing my writing career on the side; my friends and family are great fun, and I couldn't be happier. I am in no way seeking a man to fill an empty gap or anything, because there's no gap to fill. (Of course, I'd make the space for the right guy.) Just telling you that so you know I'm not casting around desperately looking for someone to love or anything.

Anyway, I'm a member of a very active Internet fan community for a particular hobby and a voluble participant on a mailing list about the subject. There are quite a few other people locally who are into the same hobby and on the same listserv. (We're in a small city in Australia, so one finds kindred spirits where one can.) Anyway, one of the other listmembers from a city in the next state was due in town for a convention, so he arranged to meet a bunch of us locals to get together for a social thingy. So we all did.

BG, this man is perfect. Well, not perfect, but pretty darn close. He's smart, extremely witty and quick thinking, able to hold an intelligent conversation, warm and caring, and generally really interesting. Physically, he's a dream (well, my dream): tall, dark, and geeky. I'm swooning just thinking about him. Apart from that, he shares just about all my interests, he's single, he's hetero, he's looking not to be single, and he's rich. (I honestly do NOT care about cash; I've been perfectly happy with enough penniless guys to not care either way, but it's handy for reasons which will become clear.)

He lives 750 miles away from me. Sob.

How did I let this happen? My head is spinning, and I feel continually nervous and fluttery inside. I'm like a starry-eyed teenager again (which is fun just in itself)!

BG, I feel so silly for feeling this way. I'm an intelligent, educated, and independent woman who's completely happy with her life, and then along comes this man who completely turns my heart upside-down. It's not like I even got the chance to to spend much time with him while he was here: the group of us got together a few more times that weekend for social things, and he and I got along like a house on fire, but now he's back home. Nothing even happened between us since we were never alone (darn!), but I just cannot stop thinking about him, and I don't even have any idea how he feels about me.

What do I do? Am I silly for feeling so much after such a short acquaintance? Where to go, how to progress? How do I find out if I rocked his world like he did mine, without utterly compromising my dignity even further? (One vital fact: I am constitutionally incapable of flirting. It's a severe handicap; I seem to have "Go Directly to Friend, Do Not Pass Boyfriend, Do Not Get Attention," tattooed on my forehead. I'm told by my male friends how I'm a great girl and how any guy I wanted would be crazy to turn me down, but sadly the rest of the world doesn't seem to see it like that! (I think it's because I'm not used to being single; I'm so used to just being "one of the guys" that it's hard to adjust.)

And where from there? Obviously, if I suddenly find a good way to test the waters (I'm hoping for suggestions here, BG!), and I get an answer and it's, "Gee, I'm flattered, but..." I crawl back into my hole and lick my wounds. But if by some bizarre random freak of nature he was impressed with me, where do we go from here? How? Where? Who? What? When? Where? Why?

--Jestyr

Dear Jestyr,

Silly? Compromising your dignity? Whuh? Why the Vulcan disconnect between "intelligent, educated, and independent" and "heart turned upside-down?" You said yourself: "It's fun just in itself." Good on ya!

The only problem I see here is, of course, that your houseafire is 750 miles away from his. What to do? Well, you do, as they say, know where he lives. And you do have this Hobby thing in common. E-mail him. Say hello. Find out how he is. Ask how his Hobby's going. You don't have to pop some Big Question -- this is totally a start. Not to mention the perfect locus for people who think they're flirting-impaired. If he came for one convention, he'll come for another -- not like he was some tourist from Peoria visiting the outback as his "last wish" -- and maybe someday, a convention a deux.

Then where do you go? Here.

By the way: pretty great case for "getting a hobby" in the first place, if you ask me -- so surely you don't think whatever it is is too silly to reveal to Breakup Girl?

Love,
Breakup Girl

< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >