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Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now; I was wary at the time when we met, but figured I would let things play out and well, here we are! My main concern though, is that we have developed some pretty serious feelings for each other, as well as some expectations that. . .hmm. well, I'm kind of afraid that they will and that they won't materialize. (Marriage, kids, a bond that lasts forever, etc.) which I feel IS possible, except "Jake" is my first long-term, serious boyfriend. We deflowered each other; there were a lot of "firsts." Nonetheless, he has still had wayyyyy more relationships than I have, and although in principle this doesn't bother me, I suspect that when it does, it's basically because I have little or no "past" to compare it to, or take (solace?) in.

So, after saying that, I guess this question scares me all the more: Are relationships where one partner has more experience than the other doomed to fail? (I know my definition of "experience" is different -- it doesn't necessarily include sex,) but how likely is it, that a few years down the road, no matter how much I love Jake, need him and don't want to lose him, I will feel I've missed out? If it's inevitable that I'll one day look back and feel unfulfilled, then I can't see any reason to continue the relationship. . .I'm just so unsure of whether or not I could have found the "one" (HATE that term, though), so early on, without having to (endure?) other emotional journeys. The "what if" dilemma scares the CRAP out of me, but how do I confront it? I am afraid of letting someone go who is loving, supportive, intelligent and who works HARD to meet my needs, just to "make sure" I haven't missed out on anything. By summoning all of your BG superpowers, you can offer up some suggestions?

-- Meia

Dear Meia,

Of course they're not doomed to fail. I mean, Warren and Annette seem fine so far. Also, comparison is not always necessarily helpful. So tell the truth:

Is your letter code for "it's inevitable that I'll look back and feel unfulfilled, 'cause actually I'm antsy now" -- ?

But if things really are yumyumyummy right now, let this live as a back-of-the-mind concern, and go with it; a "just in case" breakup might mean that this is the guy you miss out on.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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