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| June 21, 1999 CONTINUED |
e-mail to a friend in need
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NEXT LETTER > Dear Breakup Girl, I am 24 and losing my mind. My boyfriend and I split up two and a half months ago. We were together for 4 years. We are the exact same age--I am a month older. Anyway, for 4 years I have been distant and scared. Needless to say, I've been hurt very badly in the past. I have left him several times in order to sow my wild oats. We have a very open relationship--honesty and never cheated. We really were good together, and that's not just my opinion. But he says he does not love me, and he says we will not ever work this out. He says he was content for the past three years and unhappy for the last year. We were talking about getting engaged in May, but he went ballistics and started dating a girl in high school! Now he's dating a girl that is divorced with a child. Nothing against either girl, but this is so unlike him. I feel like I don't even know him anymore. He's changed his hair, attitude, the way he dresses; everything!! But he claims to be so happy. My question to you is--Do I let go? I love him and I have begged and pleaded for his forgiveness of the past, but the more I cry and beg, the meaner and more distant he becomes. I didn't do anything to him, he just out of the blue decided this relationship was over. I am at my wits end, but I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Will he come back or have I lost him for good? -- Amanda
Everyone is allowed -- though not encouraged -- to have one, maybe two or three Mean Moments as part of a breakup. Happens when our circuits short out, temporarily. But I will gently tell you, Amanda, that your crying and begging does not make you more attractive to him; more importantly, his being meaner and meaner should not make him more attractive to you. I understand why it would drive you nuts beyond belief to not have -- or even feel like you know -- him anymore. But please hang up the phone and let go before you lose you, too. Love, < PREVIOUS LETTER || NEXT LETTER > |
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