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Dear Breakup Girl,

You ready, O Wise Caped One? Jared and I have been together ("dating," "going out," pick your -ism) for exactly seven months today. Our relationship is incredibly healthy and fun. The sex is wonderful, all of our friends exclaim over our mushiness, he and I are best friends, and we do practically everything together. My biological parents dislike him, but it really doesn't matter, because I hardly ever see either of them. My various sets of foster parents adore him as long as he makes me happy, and takes good care of me, and he does, BG.

However, things for the last year have not been easy. My mother, my brother and I left my alcoholic and abusive father nine days before their 20-year anniversary. Two months later, I moved back in with this insane man...because he told me he would pay for college if I did so. He lost his job here in November, started working a few states away, and I was alone in the house for about three months before my mother, always the saint, threw me out and into the college I currently despise--oh, I mean, attend.

My life before that was never easy. It's always been abuse every whichaway, from all quarters...even my brother attacked me a few times. I've always had close friends, who knew about my mixed-up family and were wonderful in taking care of me. But now...

My father has moved permanently to the place he has this job. He's being so nice I keep forgetting all the bad stuff...it feels like a dream, or something that happened a long time ago. He even got me a car. Now he claims he has a cancer, which doesn't bother me, because he always claims to have horrible diseases when my parents have huge battles (although this is the first time she's actually left him and stayed gone, alleuia). My mother and brother are here, but my mother treats me as her personal dumping ground instead of her treasured daughter. As for my brother... he has all the emotional depth of a mango. He's 16 and too much into having sex every single minute than actually caring about anything.

But that was all prologue. Here's the issue. Jared and I live in the same area, with our colleges about four miles apart. He commutes while I live at this Godforsaken-educationally-deprived institution and bemoan my fate at being stuck with these fake people. For three years, I've wanted to attend the school Jared is attending...except I think it's always been for the wrong reasons. See, there was this guy before Jared, and he was also planning on attending the University. (Jared attends a parallel campus, though he's planning on going to the main campus in fall, which is 40-50 miles away.) So of course, I wanted to go there to be with him. Then there was ANOTHER guy I dated who went there, so of course I wanted to be with HIM.

Now. Jared and I have discussed this, and we've decided that getting out of the school I'm currently in (we'll call it Poser College) is good for me no matter what. However, I'm not sure I want to attend a school just because my darling boyfriend/best friend is going to be there. I think that may be setting a pattern for following guys instead of making them follow me (or better yet, telling them that I'm a woman, yes I am, and I don't need anyone...as Gloria Gaynor plays in the background).

But the University offers so much that Poser College doesn't. Plus it's cheap, and it's a great school, with a lot of my friends there AND a lot of classes I'd adore taking. But I wouldn't be so set on going there if Jared wasn't. guess my question to you, O Rescuer of Broken Hearts, is this:

I've wanted to go there for years...but always because of some boy. Now I know that it actually is a good school and I want to go there for its sake (not to mention so I can flee this awful place before it's too late, and I start to begin all of my sentences with "um...like...you know..."). BG, am I a wussie? Am I clinging to Jared just because I've had a rotten time as far as my parents? Is this my destiny, to cling to people only because no one's clung to me? Psychoanalyze me!

-- Kristie

Dear Kristie:

Does psychotherapizing count? 'Cause Belleruth has a few things to say.

...Well, at the risk of being totally circular, she says, "Counseling, kiddo, counseling." Here's the cycle -- speaking of circular -- she detects. Not every college is a match for everyone, but it's possible that you are actually further alienating yourself from where you are by hating it so much. And by being joined at the hip to J-Man. And resenting dear old dad. Belle predicts that without resolving the driving issues that are driving you, you may also hate The Other U., too. "You're right," she says. "You'd probably be going there for the wrong reasons."

So, yes -- not that there aren't validly icky issues in your past -- but: more seeking of counseling, less stoking of melodrama. Use the help of a pro to find out who you are instead of fusing with -- or alienating -- others. This, my dear, will be the highest education of all.

Love,
BG/BR

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