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March 1, 1999   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

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Dear Breakup Girl,

I'm in the 11th grade. My boyfriend and I have been going out for nine months. I guess I never really liked him, but because I was desperate for a boyfriend I went out with him. He's really nice to me, we go someplace nice once a week at least and he always pays for everything. But I'm not the least bit physically attracted to him. After about six months he started telling me how much he loves me, and would wait for me to reply. Because of his pressuring me for a reply I told him I loved him too. But I don't. Also things have gone pretty far between us, not exactly sex, but close. He constantly wants to know where I am and what I'm doing. For example, I have caller ID and when I'll see his name on the display I usually won't pick up. He''l keep calling and calling. If I tell him I'll be home at a certain time and I'm not he'll get mad. Also when I don't want to do something with him or get mad at him, he'll start crying. I know for my own sanity I need to break up with him but I don't know how, especially after all this time. Can you please help me?

-- Rhonda


Dear Rhonda,

Yes, I can help you, Rhonda, help help you Rhonda.
First let's get something straight. I know you know this -- and I SO know the pressure -- but "desperate for a boyfriend" is not a love song. Let's, you guys, try not to dance to it with the wrong partner.

That said, Rhonda, you are not responsible for his ensuing behavior. Which -- as you sense -- is out of line, over the top. And I know that you know what you need to do.

But let me just make something perfectly clear to you: if you go through with this, he might have a cow. If he keeps calling and calling now when you're not there, imagine how often he'll call when you're not ... his girlfriend. Be careful. Let a trusted grownup know what you're up to before you do it, okay, sweetie?

And just as important, remember this for the future: "calling and calling and calling and pressuring and crying" is not a love song either. That's just not what love is. Please don't hear it that way next time.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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