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Dear Breakup Girl,

I found out my husband has been having an affair for the past several months. He admitted to it only after I found a copy of his e-mail message because he used my e-mail address. Even though I have asked to work things out, he still continues to see her, sleep with her, buy her gifts, but comes home to sleep and change clothes. How do I get him out of the house for good? Divorce proceedings hopefully will begin next week, but until then, how do I put up with this betrayal? Would it be a good idea to contact the other woman since I have her e-mail address, home address, work and home phone numbers? I still don't know if her husband knows, but I wouldn't mind telling him. By the way, my generous spouse purchased $1,000 of diamond jewelry for his girlfriend for Valentine's Day. (I found the receipt.) Any advice on how to get the through worst time of my life? Any help would be appreciated!

-- Victoria

Dear Victoria,

Wowie zowie. I am SO sorry.

A few things.

1. No, not a good idea to contact her. Nor her husband. I understand the temptation, but stay above tattling. Call a therapist instead. Helping you hurt, then heal is a job for a professional.

2. He used your e-mail address? Either he hasn't figured out how to use AOL 4.0's new "change screen name" feature, or he wanted to get caught.

3. If he can afford diamonds, he can afford a hotel. The only way you can start getting through this -- and it's going to be a haul, emotionally and legally -- is to clear your mind/home of virtual paper trails, QVC receipts, and lipstick-collared husbands.

What else can I tell you except stuff that sounds like cliches? Seek out friends, family, Fabio-bedecked bodice-rippers. Whatever works, dragging minute by dragging minute. This will not help right now, but: getting indisputably news and having a horrific -- but, as far as you what you say in your letter, clear -- task ahead of you is, in some sense, easier on your constitution than being "If only he were a total jerk!"-type confused. Clean house; assemble allies; be strong.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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