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Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend just broke up with me... now I am so angry at boys that I want to only just date girls! Is this just because I am angry at him or because I have always been gay and not realized it!?!?! Please help me -- I am think about asking a gay friend of mine out on a date but before I do I need your advice. Thank you so much!

-- Confused

Dear Confused,

Well, if girls decided to date girls every time they were angry at boys, then lesbians would have been on the cover of Newsweek way before last year. But seriously, that's not how it works. Lesbians are not jilted straight women. Some say homosexuality is a matter of choice, some say it's a matter of destiny, but apart from that, the people who say gay people are gay because they hate the opposite sex are people who hate gay people.

But yes, the fact that you're thinking about dating girls could very well mean ... that you're thinking about dating girls. This is normal if you're "really" gay, if you're "really" straight, or if you're "really" somewhere in between -- which is probably where almost everyone on the planet really is. So about this particular chickywicky: do you want to ask a girl out because you're sad about boys, do you want to ask a girl out, period, or do you want to ask this girl out? Think about it. For a while ... at least until you're less angry. No one's going anywhere, Confused. And no one -- girl or boy -- really wants to be just a rebound.

In the meantime, I promise you that you do not have to make any Big Scary Decisions or wear any Big Scary Labels right now. Hang out with people who interest, delight, and support you. Maybe something will turn into INTERESTinterest over time, maybe it won't. But don't rush anything, especially after an icky breakup. No matter what, you need friends now, not dates (meaning that also, maybe it's not the best time to date your friends). You could also hang out here, if you find it helpful. You'll be fine. Really.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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