< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >
 

Dear Breakup Girl,

I'm going out with this guy. We've been together only about a month. For the most part, we're very happy and he takes good care of me. But there's a problem. Sometimes he gets upset with me or gives me a guilt trip if I don't do things he wants. And I don't even mean sexual things, I mean, he got mad because I wanted to go to sleep instead of staying up until 1 AM helping him with his homework, or he gets a little miffed if I don't want to give him a back massage. The last straw, and my reason for writing, came yesterday. He was leaving for the weekend to go to his away hockey games. He called and left a message on my machine...you think it would be really sweet, like, "I'll miss you" or something?? NO. Do you know what he said? "______, This is ______...you know we're all going away for the weekend and there's a huge pile of dishes in the sink...I would really appreciate it if you'd help us out here...I'll see you later." Nice, huh?? I don't want to break up with him, because for the most part, he's great, but these little "demands" really bother and annoy me!!!!! How can I talk to him about it without making him mad??? Thanks so much.

--Love Slave

Dear Love Slave,

Breakup Girl does not like the sound of this at all. Asking you nicely to do helpful things now and then is fine; getting mad if you don't is not. Plus, you've been dating for a month. A month. Minus, I'm guessing, weekends. Which, as far as BG is concerned, is far too early for him to ask you homey familiar favors like that, and far too early for you to have a the key to his place.

So the next time he asks you to vacuum or grumbles when you don't fix him his Ovaltine, you are allowed to say what Phoebe said in the "Friends" pilot when Joey asked her to help move some stuff into their apartment. "Oooh, I totally would," she responded, "but I don't want to."

How can you talk to him about it without making him mad? Beats the heck out of me. At this point, you can't go to sleep without making him mad. I'd say the question is: how can he talk to you like that without making you mad? If you don't speak up -- or, say, leave -- you'll be really mad at yourself. And that's way worse.

Love,
Breakup Girl

< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >