Dear Breakup Girl,
You published a letter of mine a few months back about remaining friends with the ex. After that I took a few months of a
breather away from him, minimal contact, no phone calls etc. This was fine for
both of us. But it couldn't last forever, as his friends are also mine, and
they're really good about not letting him have custody even though he lives in
their town and I live an hour away.
Anyway, by the time we saw each other again, we had each lost about 60
pounds. He got this great haircut that totally changed his look. Basically we
each looked completely different and much better, and we were both much happier
overall as well. (Singlehood has been sitting well with both of us). So
needless to say, we both got really, um, curious.
Making a long story very short, we ended up sleeping together. A couple of
times. It was SO much better than it was during the relationship, except for
maybe at the very beginning when it was still all new. I know what a bad idea
this is. What I just wanted to say, and to pass on to your readers, is
The reason it's a bad idea to sleep with your ex is NOT that you will
despise yourself the next day or hate yourself for being so weak or anything
like that. The reason is that you will remember what it was about him/her that
you fell in love with in the first place (that smile! that sense of humor!) and
it will reopen old wounds that you thought were well healed. In other words,
you will basically have to go through all the emotional work of breaking up all
over again. That, as well as resisting the siren song of possible
reconciliation and trying again. Don't do it! It's not worth it! Unless you're
the kind of person who also likes to hit him/herself over the head with large
heavy objects repeatedly. Being over someone is a precious, and precarious,
thing that should hopefully last forever. Even the greatest sex only lasts for
a night or a day or whatever.
BG, keep up the good work. Hope your own love life is a bit more sane, or
stable, or whatever, than my own and those of some of your other readers.
-- A Somewhat Wiser Susan
THANKS. Couldn't have said/not done it better