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A Big Shout-Out/Update Section

1. How I Know I Needed a Vacation: Big DUH / ICK Alert

In a letter I printed in the August 3 column (sorry, no linky-winky, I pulled it), I failed to do the simple age-math that would have informed me that the [adult] advice-seeker had been infatuated with someone starting when she was only, in fact, 11. Not good. Needless to say, I would have responded differently -- and have, with the help of Belleruth, behind the scenes -- had I taken this not-so-itty-bitty factoid into account. Endless thanks to the sharper-eyed/brained readers who alerted me to the oversight.

2. 911 for Kelly J.:

Says Dr. Belleruth: "It is good that you are looking in the mirror and asking those questions. The answer (which you know, I bet) is to get away from him; it only gets worse. That is a promise. You will not fix him by staying. You could fix herself, but you're not the one who's broken. Yet." Kelly, I know it's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay easier for us to just say "GO" than for you to muster the will and courage to do it. For the support you'll need I'd suggest calling the National Domestic Violence hotline (800-799-SAFE) (emotional abuse IS violence) or checking out some of the resources here. Good luck.

3. From Jo, in response to Just Asking:

"Please tell the 17-year-old "Just Asking" that this unmarried 37 year old did fall over at the notion that she'd be worried about being 30 and unmarried or 40 and unmarried. And you can add that:

a) being 30 and unmarried rocks. Thirty is still young, however antique it may look to 17. Dating is much more fun than changing diapers.

b) being 40 (or almost) and unmarried is tough, but not nearly as bad as being 40 and married to the wrong guy.

c) What on *earth* are you doing worrying about where you'll be in 20 years? High school has enough troubles -- don't borrow from the future.

d) Don't worry about making permanent attachments now, since you'll change so much in your early 20s that any plans you try to make will be pretty stale-dated by the time you're twenty-six!

e) 140 pounds is only overweight (really) if you are five-foot-nothing, with bones the weight of a sparrow. Curves are normal, and (News Flash!!) boys *like* boobs. Enjoy it, get some excercise, and plan your life without a guy -- which means that when Mr. Wonderful shows up when you're in college studying (insert major of your choice here) he will be the relish on your hot dog, not the hot dog itself."

4. From "Living Well," the GO, GIRL letter of the week:

"I wrote to before you to say I enjoyed your peformance and workshops at NOW's Young Feminists Summit in Boston. I also told you that I had a boyfriend who was 29 and whom I thought was the one but he always kept me waiting. Geek Without a Clue's letter inspired me to write and let you know what's up and that getting out is not always bad. I finally told him I couldn't take it any more, he was sooooo not into me, sooooo not into the relationship it just depressed me. So he tried to apologize, 'I'm sorry, you're dating a schmuck.' I said, 'I guess I'm not anymore,' and walked out. It has been such a relief BG, *such* a relief. I don't have to wait for him anymore, I don't have to try and try and try to make him like me, I don't spend all my time wondering why my boyfriend doesn't want to spend time with me (my mom doesn't either, but that's another story for another superhero :-)), and I have shed barely a tear. I'm taking care of me again, checking out prospective dates and hanging out with my friends, going to my 10-year HS reunion and I feel *good.* And you know what else? I'm buying a house! I'm going to be 28 next week and I'm buying the house he kept slithering out of buying so we could live together happily ever after! Who needs him? I bought a condo when I was 26 and it's the most empowering thing I've ever done, right up there with Outward Bound, and I am so psyched to do this for me now and it's so easy and I just DON'T have to wait around for him to be ready to do it.

So that's my good news BG, I know you're out there somewhere -­ tuned in to the breakup vibes of all the world's citizens -- and I thought you might like to hear a happy ending. I read your advice every week and it is always helpful and truly inspiring, and you rock. Thanks again."

5. Wanna know what happened with Anders?

"You published my question to you on June 15, 1998, and I just wanted to thank you for your advice and also let you know that it worked out quite well. I gave her a four-day deadline and before that had passed, we together found a new apartment for her, and she moved to that a week later. She has now found that she doesn't have any reason to stay in my town, as the only reason for her being here was me, and that she'd rather move back to her old town, some 300 miles away from here. She will do that next week. I guess it will take some time before I fully recover, if ever, since I've been abused and terrorized by her, but I've already had some dates of the classic rebound variety. I will continue reading your column regularly!"

6. Wanna know what happened with our favorite karate babe (speaking of GO, GIRL!) ?

"I wrote to you a few weeks ago (Confused Over Summer Lovin'), and you told me to tell you how the karate national championship went so here I am. I wish I could say that blackbelt boy and I both won gold medals and when I won he swept me up in his arms, spun me around and professed his undying love for me. It didn't quite go that way but instead about as well as it could in the basis of reality. I placed fifth in the nation for my division [WHO-HOOOO! -- BG] and he got cheated out of a great placing. (The judges gave a tie to the other guy even though Black BeltBoy (BBB) led the entire fight and obviously did better than him.) We spent a good portion of our time together flirting and I basically had a blast. Which more made up for the fact that I didn't win and he probably doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about him. As for George, the guy who got into a motorcycle accident, now I realize that I just got caught up in the waves and stars and all that. If I had met him here there's no way I would have been attracted to him. He will walk again, not the way he could before but he will walk again. I have little if any interest in speaking to him. I don't even want to respond to e-mails, something which I am a tad confused about. But overall, I am happier now than I can remember being in quite a while and plan to stay that way. I love your page. Keep up the good advice!"

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