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Rebound-o-Rama

In Webster's dictionary, "rebound" -- as in "stocks rebounded quickly from Monday's decline" -- means recovery, the connotation being that you, or the Dow Jones Industrial Average, has already made a healthy comeback. But in Breakup Girl's dictionary, as you no doubt know, "rebound" -- as in "Steve rebounded quickly from Monday's breakup" -- is a means to that end (i.e. Steve has a date/hookup on, say, Tuesday). The rebound doesn't mean you're "over it;" it's part of the process. In the face of loneliness, rejection, and free time, rebounds are your basic fix. They scratch the itch, make us feel wanted and noticed; they remind us that we've still got it going on. They are Chicken Soup for the Loins.

At least that's the idea.

Now, Breakup Girl is not going to get all preachy about whether the act of rebounding is Good or Evil. That all depends. I would, however, like to point out that the context of relationships, the word "rebound" is most frequently used in sentences such as, "Well, it was supposed to be just a rebound, but..." or "S/he didn't tell me s/he was on the rebound...!"

In other words: it's just never that simple.

But that's exactly what Breakup Girl is here for. A few essential points:

1. First, let me say that one of the most common complications is the lopsided rebound, where the parties' intentions do not match one another (e.g. he's dusting off his mack, while she's dusting off her hope chest). For this reason, let me send out a plea to the makers of the indispensable Lovegety: You have a setting for "KARAOKE;" why not "REBOUND?" This feature would match up ... like-minded people for We Both Know What This is liaisons. It's honest, efficient, leaving little room for misunderstanding and hurt feelings. Just a thought.

2. Rebounders: be circumspect. As an advice-seeker named Taylor-Belle recently wrote: "Friends have told me that the best way to forget a guy is in the arms of another guy. Well, I have tried that. And no one else even compares to [my ex]." Right. Advocates of safe(r) sex warn you that when you sleep with someone, you "sleep with everyone else they've slept with." Well. Breakup Girl would also like to remind you that when you sleep with someone, you "sleep with everyone else you've slept with." Got it? Keep that in mind.

3. To all you third parties who are huffy because your ex has started seeing someone else in no time flat (like the advice-seeker named Greg, who recently wrote: "I'm not sure she's worth chasing if it was that easy to get over me"): hey listen, seeing someone else has nothing to do with whether s/he is over you. Consider that you are the odd point on the rebound triangle or that your are in, if you will, a threebound situation. It may be not so much their way of getting over you as their way of getting through the breakup. Which isn't that pretty, either, but still.

4. If applicable, complete the following worksheet to make sure that you're in the rebound situation that's right for you (it's written for the ladies, mainly to avoid cumbersome gender-neutral pronoun usage; except for the "goatee" part, it pretty much swings both ways.):

5. And finally, your letters.

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