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And now, here's one from the Where Are They Now? files:

Dear Breakup Girl,

Thanks for providing a valuable service. Thanks to your column I was able to tell my "Ladderman" (he drives a pickup with those side extensions that hold ladders) that the relationship was not working.

I was (am) more in love with him than I thought was possible. I wanted to be with him and I endlessly asked him to be with me and he couldn't and it was hell. I couldn't purge him from my mind, I thought endlessly of him and how could I get him to want to make a life with me. Meanwhile, he said he never intended to lead me on and he couldn't make any promises, he married for life and if he wasn't happy with his wife, he still intended to stay married.

I received some wonderful love letters from him, but they only increased my longing for him and the depair I felt. I wrote him about 100 letters a year (I recieved 11 from him) and the last 5 letters told him that I couldn't continue.

I pledged myself to him. I would do almost anything to be with him. He couldn't even promise to write me regularly. It was not a good balance.

I called him and he told me that he felt hurt, and he expected to receive this type of letter. Of course, it was akin to wacking me with a stick for a year and when I finally said "ouch" that's not such a surprise.

I hope to remain friends with him. On a platonic note. That's how we started and I hope it can be done. To all of you out there in situations where you know that you should leave the relationship, have courage. The hurt will ease, the pain will be less and there will be happier days ahead.

I thought at one time the tragedy of my life was that we would never again be together. And I continue to miss him and probably will never feel the same intense feelings for another that I felt for my "Ladderman." He was my soulmate, but he didn't want me. It was hard to finally face that. But I did.

I now feel better about myself. I did everything I could possibly do to show him my love and devotion and that he continues on in a marriage he has left 3 times previously and is unhappy in -- that's his decision.

I waited for a long time to see if he would change his mind and now can see how women can get sucked into waiting around for their "man" for years, or even decades. I kept thinking that time would bring him around, or my words would finally convince him.

It may be that I will be a bit sadder everytime I see a white pickup with ladders on the road, or a car that looks like his, or even someone who resembles him. I expect this. I lost myself in chasing him, I can only find myself by letting go.

I still love him. I'd be with him in a minute. But that will never happen. So I hope friends is OK.

Love,
Unfaithful

Breakup Girl responds: Way to walk out from under a ladder. In your case, it's good luck.

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