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Dear Breakup Girl,

I've been dating this really great guy for about half a year now. It's a long distance relationship, but things have been going pretty well; but now I'm starting to have some doubts.

See, I came out as bisexual a few years ago, and I've gotten pretty comfortable with that as my identity. But now that I'm actually dating a guy, I'm beginning to suspect that I may just be straight after all. I like having sex with him because -- let's fact it -- sex is fun. However, I'm realizing that I'm not really sexually attracted to him -- or to anyone of that gender, for that matter.

The problem is, even though I'm not into him sexually, I know I'd miss the relationship if we broke up. He means a lot to me -- were it not for the fact that he doesn't do anything for me sexually; I'd say I was in love with him. And isn't the emotional connection supposed to be what counts anyway? Besides, isn't it a little cruel to break up with someone for reasons that pretty much amount to "I don't find you attractive enough?"

Help!

--Dan

Dear Dan,

"I don't find you attractive enough" could be a reason to break up with someone, but of course it is not what you say is the reason. (That's why you say something like, "It's not you, it is I [who don't find you attractive enough].")

Astonishingly, though, in this case, it is you! Don't worry, you're fine. But here's our own Belleruth's take: "Sounds to me like you're not yet sure of what (a) your orientation is, or (b) love's supposed to feel like with...whomever. I suggest you give yourself more time with your ambiguity/ambivalence, and also with other folks, so that you sort things out for yourself. Because, yeah, the emotional connection counts, but so does the sexual one. Hopefully, you'll get to have them both with one person one day. And hopefully, someone close by. (Now, if you find that you keep splitting those two thing with your partners, then it might be time to sort out 'intimacy issues' with a pro.)"

So it's probably time, yes for -- ugh -- "Let's be friends." Or whatever you can or want to manage across the miles. I'm not happy that you'll be sad, but hey, it's better than leaving someone you don't miss.

Love,
Breakup Girl