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Dear Breakup Girl,

You've probably never gotten this one before: my son is 21 and just broke up with his girlfriend of one year. They were quite serious, and I really liked her. She's very hurt, and I feel sadder than I ever thought I would. I want the best for my son and for her, but I miss her. Any advice?

--Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Well, you're right. BG is much more accustomed to other-side-of-the-coin queries, such as "How can I help my son [...lose that harpy]?" But yours is nothing BG can't handle -- without a little help from our own Belleruth, who says: "It's best that you take a look at your feelings so that you don't wind up (even inadvertently) interfering with your son's free choice not to be with this girl (or at least his dealing with her choice not to be with him). So for now, honor them both by resisting any urges to have her over or meet her for lunch, etc."

Instead, why not -- to paraphrase Belleruth -- take yourself out and mull over: Do I need more ... gal friends? Daughter figures? Separation from my son/differentiation of my issues from his? Or did she represent some sort of abandonment replay for me, possibly with my son's dad? Or did she offer some sort of long-missing link between my son and me? Do some thinking along with your missing, and you could have some valuable insight.

Of course, as Belleruth also points out, it could just be that she was terrific, you had dreams of having her in the family, and you're just terribly disappointed. Breakup ripple effect in action. In any case, we're glad you asked. 'Cause now we also know how all of BG's ex-"in-laws" must have felt, too.

Love,
BR and BG

 
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