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Dear Breakup Girl,

I am a fifteen-year-old sophomore dating another sophomore. The only problem is that my grades went down from a 4.0 to a 3.57 and show no immediate signs of heading upwards. I know that, practically speaking, I should break up with him. After all, this is only high school. Additionally, getting into a prestigious college is more important to me than any relationship right now.

Nonetheless, there are confounding variables. It is quite another thing actually to go through with the act. I do like him a lot -- probably too much for my own good -- and other than distracting me from school, he is a nice and caring person. Additionally, I don't know how breaking up with him would affect my GPA either. (Although it is almost a safe bet that it would improve.) Please help!

--Confused

Dear Confused,

First of all, BG gets a D on promptness with this one. Sorry. But I promise my advice will provide food for summer thought and will hold next year and on.

Anyway: It's hard for me to say how a breakup might affect your GPA (though we do have some data on how a breakup might affect the GNP). It's quite easy for me to suggest, however, that -- unless you're looking for a "reason" to leave -- a breakup would, under the circumstances you describe, be unnecessary.

Look, lots of folks write to me to say ("boyfriend" and "girlfriend" interchangeable throughout):

1. "Breakup Girl, how can I get my parents to let me cut school so I can spend more time with my boyfriend?"

2. "I'm trying to decide between going to college and living full time in my boyfriend's tent. What do you think, BG?"

3. "My boyfriend says grades are facist and I should protest by getting bad ones. What's 'fascist?'"

You, Confused, are not one of them. You are not even .43 of them. Which is why I will duly remind you that good grades and good boy/girlfriends are not mutually exclusive (Stephen Hawking, say, is married). On the contrary, in fact.

First, an appeal to your outer achiever. Consider this: work only on your grades, and you won't have much to say in your application essay. Literally and figuratively. Colleges -- not to mention friends and boyfriends -- are looking, and rightly so, for a whole person, for balance, for someone who can fill out the student body, not just raise the curve. Rounding out your experience with extra-curriculars and, yes, (ahem) "extra-curriculars" is what will -- in effect/the big picture -- round you up way past average.

Also, in the best of all worlds, boy/girlfriends and grades complement one another. Really. Sure, cuties are a delightful distraction now and then, but they're also, ideally, an inspiration for you to do your best on your own.

So in the immediate (or, well, in the fall), why not ... study together? Create games where the reward for seeing/talking to each other is finishing your homework? Anyone who uses the phrase "confounding variables" in a letter to BG -- especially if she puts her head together with another really cute one -- can come up with all sorts of balancing acts like that. I assure you, you can be misty about him (or whichever valedictorian) and focused on success. 'Cause never mind "prestigious college," you should have that kind of balance now.

Oh, and also fun. "After all, this is only high school."

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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