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Dear Breakup Girl,

After the breakup of a serious relationship, everyone says:

-- Spend time with friends and family
-- Time will heal you
-- Don't think about it
-- There is another guy out there
-- He didn't deserve you
-- Blah blah blah

Do you have any advice that isn't traditional? I know I have to move on but am experiencing difficulty.

-- Tara

Dear Tara,

Thing is, traditions -- from Passover to the Wave-- become traditions for a reason. We like them. They are familiar. They work. And the advice you cite above -- with the possible exception of (a) "Don't think about it" ("Don't think about a pink elephant!") (Ha!) and (b) "He didn't deserve you" (just plain not helpful) -- is of that variety. It got old because it lasted. It lasted because it's pretty good.

That said, let me give you a fresh take on it all. Maybe you've asked BG this question because you think you're different. You think your breakup -- and its fallout -- is more powerful, worse, a bigger deal than others. Too huge for cliches. And yes, it is, because it's yours. But in the big picture, it's not. And that is good news. News that does not diminish or disrespect your feelings, I promise. But Tara: this is your brain on breakups. This is how it feels. For now.

So barring some huge piece of data you've not told me, I can safely guess that you don't need alternative medicine, cutting-edge invasive techniques. Again: this is good news. The tea, the cold compresses, the chicken soup,the blah blah blah: they will work.. If you let them.

Also, here's the thing about moving on. "Time will heal you," sure. But maybe -- non-traditional take -- sooner than you think. I've said it before, I'll say it again. If you've "moved on," does that mean you never think about this person? No. Does it mean it doesn't smart when you do? No. IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM: "Moved on" means that there may still be a little piece of that person, stuck to your back, in that place you can't reach. But it's on your back, not in your way.

I'm with you, kiddo. Let's hope those bad feelings get old, fast.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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