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Dear Breakup Girl,

This sounds like a silly question, but my sister and her partner of ten years have suddenly broken up. We have ten years of memories and love for each other, but suddenly it is thrown aside for another woman? What can I do for my sister now in her time of need, but also, how can I keep a connection with a woman who has kept me sane throughout the past ten years, helping me not just with the upkeep of my house, but also with the rearing of my daughter and the rediscovery of my own soul? She has given me so much, and has taken it all away so quickly, without any warning. I have no right to complain, compared to my sister, who was completely caught unawares by a partner who'd been steadfastly at her side, and who had never given her any reason to worry about any kind of extra-relationship connections. I love my sister to death, and I feel that contacting Kathy would be a disrespect to her personally, but I feel a need to have my personal say...besides, I miss her and would give anything to have her around again. What should I do?

--Doreen

Dear Doreen,

"Ripple," clearly, is far too gentle a word to describe the effect that breakups can have on an ex's circle of friends and family. You are, indeed, going through a breakup of your own here. I understand that the loss of your sister's partner is killing you... but if you called Kathy, well, if I were your sister, I'd kill you. Sometimes people salvage degrees-of-separation friendships after a breakup, sometimes they don't. But you'll have to let your sister take the lead. After -- long after -- you ask her what, if anything, you can do to help her now.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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