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Haiku Contest 1998

Grand Prize(s)
These 2 lucky winners received a Special Limited Edition Breakup Girl Baseball Cap!!! Also an autographed copy of Breakup Girl's seminal work, He Loved Me, He Loves Me Not, and a Breakup Girl keychain.

Who needs a boyfriend!
"I'll just concentrate on ME!"
Boy, does that get old.
      --Geri Guillermo

Am I over her?
Why, did she ask about me?
Hey wait, come back here!
      --Brian Thomas

First Prize
These 5 lucky winners received a Breakup Girl keychain plus an autographed copy of Breakup Girl's seminal work, He Loved Me, He Loves Me Not.

Now that he is gone,
I can say this without fear:
I do not like jazz.
-- Amy Keyishian

Our tango ends. I'd
Rather dance alone than watch
You macarena.
-- Tom Heald

Ping-pong love affairs
Exist solely to make my
brain round and hollow.
-- Betsy Thaggard

All my once-loved's words
Are truth unquestioned, always.
That's why she's "once-loved."
-- Brian Saunders

The love that we knew
was a walk in the park. I'll
scrape it from my shoe.
-- Michael Miller

Second Prize
These 10 lucky winners received an Official Breakup Girl Keychain!

I have underwear
That once belonged to Loser.
New dustrags, hooray!
-- Wonder Girl

Now I'm sure he cheats.
Got "Caller ID" today.
He calls from her place!
-- Melissa Tokarczyk

"I love another.
His penis is twice your size.
And my mom likes him."
-- Ken Scudder

He begs me for back
Now that I can fit into
That little black dress.
-- Maureen

He said he loved me,
That he'd love me forever.
Forever is short.
-- Kim

I bet she's laughing
About our time together
With her goddamn friends
-- Michael Clausen

I loved Grease but she
Had Saturday Night Fever
Damn John Travolta
-- Tom Heald

Lovers write haiku
at rest between their passions
I write Villanelles
-- Karen Kanter

"I had fun", she said,
So not to hurt my feelings.
"I'll call you", I said.
-- Velvet Elvis

No more damn dusting
The bathroom is disgusting
The neat freak is gone!
-- Jonathan Bellack

Honorable Mentions...

How can I resist?
Haiku's the form for heartbreak:
Bitterness distilled.
-- Fawn Fitter

Thought you were a friend.
A friend doesn't steal your guy.
He's your problem now.
-- Amy

He left me for her
I'm smarter and prettier
It's his loss not mine
-- Susan Schenck

I never told you
You were a sloppy kisser
But I wanted to.
-- Sh*tkicker Spice

"I love you," he said.
She sighed, "Will you, forever?"
He answered her, "No."
-- Maureen

He said, "I just want
us to be really good friends."
I don't blow my friends.
-- Monique Collins

William Shakespeare wrote
"Much Ado About Nothing"--
When'd he sleep with you?
-- Bridget Jones

We used to lie down
Bodies entangled, arching
Now we simply lie
-- Vanessa

A man stands alone.
All alone in a forest.
And I shout, "timber!"
-- Amy Smith

Hey, I have a dream...
About love and compassion.
And you aren't there.
-- D. Simon

Three weeks have gone by.
Night's less painful now. That is
scariest of all.
-- Amy Huggans

I don't care at all
She dumped me for Captain Hair
She'll find out he's gay
-- Jedediah Smith

Kiss me, you shy fool.
Wait any longer and I'll
demand interest, too.
-- Betsy Thaggard

You think he's great now.
Wait until he cheats on you
With those cheerleaders.
-- Nick Dunn

The card has a bear,
Flowery language and hearts;
Stop sending these, Mom!
-- Ali Lemer

People kissing sound
Really gross if you're not them.
No more three-ways, thanks.
-- Ali Lemer

Anyone who buys
a gift for Valentine's Day
has no soul, just cash
-- Russell Flegg

"Let's be friends," you said.
I'd rather be set aflame,
Or eaten alive.
-- Nick Dunn

That girl you dumped me
for...how can I say this? She
used to be a man.
-- Nick Dunn

Gave gay thing a whirl.
The gals are right, guys are jerks;
Going back to girls.
-- Andy S.

My heartbeat raced like
Bachman Turner Overdrive
'Til you ripped it out
-- Tom Heald

We met at the beach.
Things went really well until
I asked, "Are those real?"
-- Tom Heald

got late night lonely- heart clicks
after World News Now
-- Karen Kanter

You call that a gift?
A toolbox for Valentine's
Fabio you're not
-- Tom Heald

Dumped famous golfer
just told Esquire he must have
loved her very much
-- Tom Heald

More essential than water;
Harder than diamond.
-- Chris

"I just need more space."
Get a bigger apartment.
Or try losing weight.
-- Marta Kahn

"I just need a break."
That break has turned out to be
Seven years -- so far.
-- Amy Keyishian

"Hi! How are you? Great!
Wow, long time no see! That's nice!
Right, I'll call you!" NOT!
-- Amy Keyishian

They try to tell me
Of other fish in the sea
But I prefer steak
-- Jonathan Bellack

It's hard to break up
With a boy who won't admit
You ever dated!
-- Amy Keyishian

Lost and lonely me
I am nothing sans a man.
I must do The Rules.
-- Amy Keyishian

Newsweek wrote a piece:
Breakup Girl is the subject!
Oh yeah, Iraq too.
-- Amy Keyishian

I have a daughter.
She calls herself Breakup Girl.
Oy, need I say more?
-- Breakup Mom

Crave more 'ku?
Check out the winning poems from three other years:

Haiku 1999 | Haiku 2000 | Haiku 2006


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