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Haiku Contest 2000

The dust has settled.
Team BG is bleary-eyed.
We have a winner.

More than sixteen hundred entries flooded the Breakup Girl mailbox for this year’s competition, and there was much debate at BG Haiku HQ. After executing an elaborate judging ritual modeled on the ancient Japanese poetry slams, Team BG was able to classify our entrants in this year’s contest. Heartfelt thanks to all who entered. Now, with great respect, we present you our...

Breakup Girl Haiku Master

Take some small issues,
bake for two months at high heat.
Relationship’s done!
    -- Daniel Westreich

As Haiku Master, Daniel’s name will become myth; he will also get an excellent Palm V Connected Organizer to keep his busy social life on track.

BG Haiku Master’s Apprentice

I can’t stop thinking
about you, and how you are
blocking the TV.
    -- Joel Wheeler

Joel, our Master’s Apprentice, has earned history’s reverence... and also a cool portable CD player from Sony, plus three CDs hand-picked by Team BG.

BG Haiku Scholars
They are a group of poets whose work shall echo throughout the ages. Not only that, but they will also each receive a copy of the brand-new book "Breakup Girl to the Rescue!"

So, I’m sensitive.
That doesn’t mean I can’t say
you look dumb with bangs.
    -- tfb

What made the voices
in your head think the voices
in mine would say "yes"?
    -- Tom Heald,
       1999 Haiku Master

"You’re too good for me"
is so unpleasant to hear,
but in this case true.
    -- Catherine Kernen

If love means never
having to say you’re sorry,
he must love me, right?
    -- Eva Shea

You were my sunshine.
Or, rather, you were more like
harmful UV rays.
    -- Kristi Wheeler

Like a cheap hot dog,
you’re part chicken, and part rat.
Not in MY ballpark....
    -- Karen Kanter

Breakup dinner date.
"Let’s do Jamaican," I say,
and mumble, "You jerk."
    -- Tracy Nahas

Sitting on the fence.
Is it lonely for you there?
You must like wedgies.
    -- Kit Cooley

"Wine, women, and song"
beat out "a loaf of bread, a
jug of wine and me."
    -- P. Barwig

Devoid of life skills,
loser ex is back with Mom.
Next time, date orphan.
    -- Lisa Manescu

Haiku Practitioners
Our dedicated Haiku Practitioners have earned great honor. (Sadly, that was all that was left in our budget.)

You have morning breath
and a weed-wacker hairstyle.
I still snuggle you.
    -- Devon Peake

They were together
24-7 until
he 86’ed her.
    -- Tom Heald

Finding happiness
is a steep and rocky road
when dragging a man.
    -- Vicki Weisfeld

You say you love me.
But does love turn on and off?
Girl here, not light switch.
    -- Adessa

Cheese whiz o’ my heart,
sweet, studly curd of my soul,
pasteurize flows love.
    -- Terry Zee Lee

She "wanted change." He
put dimes in her meter. He
got drawn and quartered.
    -- Tom Heald

My long dating drought
has been reclassified a
"dating climate change."
    -- Zac Miner

Where the Hell is he!
Dressed to the nines at 10:10.
Come Ben, come Jerry.
    -- Kim Sterling

Slow dance. Carriage ride.
Wine, flowers... a firm
His perfect breakup.
    -- Kristi Wheeler

"I’m holding you back."
I need a better excuse.
Being held was nice.
    -- Dayna Feuerstein

Biting, slobbering,
barking. Remind me, what’s great
about puppy love?
    -- Tom Heald

She left him because...
he thought "ellipse" had something
to do with the... sun.
    -- Karen Kanter

My heart’s for giving
again this year. To a saint,
not a massacre.
    -- Kriston Reinmuth

Though she’s home, she won’t
answer her collectable
S.I. football phone.
    -- Tom Heald

"Where’s your better half?"
If she was my better half,
I must be Satan.
    -- Mike Ricca

Aww! A card? For me!
"Happy Valentine’s Day, Sue."
I’m Jen -- I SHOULD sue.
    -- Tracy Nahas

Amicable? Sure,
we get along great these days.
Avoid the windows.
    -- Daniel Westreich

He popped the question,
but then ruined it with "Is that
your final answer?"
    -- Tom Heald

Crave more 'ku?
Check out the winning poems from three other years:

Haiku 1998 | Haiku 1999 | Haiku 2006


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