Predicament of the Week from November 2, 1998…

El Duderino Rides Again … and Again…Now in Second Place for All-Time BG P/W Appearances

Dear Breakup Girl,

First of all, I have no intention to break the record on serial Predicament of the Week (Brad). So I’ll try to keep this brief and relatively less colorful.

Second of all, you were accurate about the pitfalls of seeing life through tinted glasses. Very perceptive. However, I hesitate to peg Japanese Girl as one of those first decent meal after coming out from self-imposed exile. I don’t think I have loss my common sense to have fallen for someone who just happened to “step in.” JG is INDEED a truly righteous babe. My heart grins just thinking about her. It follows, of course, that I did not fall for the sake of falling.

And third of all, I don’t have a third-of-all, but still.

From my angst/metaphor ridden letters, you would not have gotten the impression that, in “real life,” I am basically this aggressive, devilishly mean, Newman/Brando-ish stockbroker. I don’t think I have split personalities, may be I’m just a bit more in touch with my feminine side, two hard-core feminist sisters made sure of that. Frankly, this affair with JG deserves more delicate consideration as opposed to one of those million dollar trade, where you coldly calculate your beta, stare at your candle-stick charts, and say “well, this trade “SUCKS,” lets cut it loose.” If it was that simple, with all due respect, my sentiment and prose wouldn’t have been this purple.

(This straight talk does not in anyway diminishes my respect for, and gratitude towards BG. But I digress)

Anyway, it’s not really like that, is it? I mean like how do you rationally reconcile the fact that a mean and nasty schmuck like me can feel completely vulnerable and soft in front of this woman? (It’s true, I so eat dudes like those in Glengary Glen Ross for breakfast and I’m so not purposely deprecating for the effect of juicing the script.) How then do you explain that a man, whose favorite phase is “that’s not my problem,” could spend hours mixing paint and rubbing them into the canvas to paint her portrait and then later argue with himself about hues in his sleep? How do you conjure the image of a normally serious adult who manipulates his facial muscles doing an impersonation of “The Boiling Pea Soup” to the beat of Harlem Shuffle, making a complete fool of himself in the process, for her amusement just to hear that glorious note of laughter?

How, pray tell?

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The Predicament of the Week from October 26, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I was rather honored to have been the elected The Predicament of The Week the last time I wrote. I write again to update you on the latest development. I’m sorry to take up so much of your time.

I don’t know if it was a coincidence or a divine intervention of your Superhero-ness, but after I last wrote, I met this incredibly interesting woman who is in many ways similar to Golden Girl (scary thought, isn’t it?) except that she’s Japanese.

I have a very tight-knit group of friends who are acerbic, iconoclastic, with oh-so strange senses of humor and she fits right in, like fresh cod in steamed spring rolls. She can take it and she can dish it, so to speak. She can drink all of us under the table, and yet, look so damn elegant at the same time. This is a woman with “passion and intelligence born of living and the ability to move or be moved by the subtleties of mind and spirit.” This is a woman to whom the difference between a pasture and meadow seemed important. Words just flow out of her lips like “the silver apples of the moon/the golden apples of the sun.” This I describe with the utmost objectivity I can muster, I swear.

Here’s the catch. She is relocating away, for economic reasons. What seems inevitable is a choice of pursuing a long distance relationship or “fogeddaboudit.” I have a feeling that she had been understandably holding back on her feelings because of the impending move. I too did not pressure her to say anything for or against a possible relationship. What’s the point, really? You can’t give an answer when you don’t have it, right?

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The Predicament of the Week from September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I know you are frequently bombarded with long letters, so I hope you’ll have patience for another one.

Fifteen years ago, this young country boy, born in a small plantation village somewhere in Southeast Asia, was catapulted across the Pacific to Southern California for his university education. Imagine being thrust into a big city like Los Angeles armed with nothing more than a sense of wonder and determination. Needless to say, he survived adventure, and along the way he picked up vocabulary like “dude” and “awesome” as well as a degree from UCLA. He also fell for, BIG TIME, a beautiful blonde in his class. He was her mystical oriental boy, and she was his amazing green-eye beauty. They could communicate with each other through their eyes. They toured together. However they were both young and there was much to do in each of their lives. They couldn’t stay together anymore for the intensity will burn them both. They said their good byes. They said each one of them remains in a special place in their respective soul for eternity even if they didn’t see each other anymore.

Grab some coffee — there’s lots more after the jump!