Getting restless on May 25, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have this annoying problem with the 4.5 year itch. I’ve been through three engagements and am looking at yet another split. Problem is, I never seem to grow up; I can’t seem to stay with anyone for more than a few years. Inevitably, I get restless and bored. And I’m certainly not getting any younger. Do you think that the “pattern” is set? I mean, is it possible that I am the way I am until the end of time? I’ve tried therapy, couples counseling, chanting and prayer…nothing seems to work. A friend of mine has suggested (in all her kindness) that I simply haven’t met “the one,” that I have a deep-rooted fear of real intimacy…so I choose people who who are more interested in me than I am in them. She may be right. So, help! What can I do with myself? Should I just accept the way I am and cheat on my current partner? Just accept this as a way of life?

— Wanderlust

(more…)

Chickening out on January 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
What if you know you need to break up with him, but you really don’t want to?
–Lyna

Dear Lyna,
Is everybody listening? Thanks, Lyna — Breakup Girl couldn’t have put the Dumper’s Dilemma better herself.

IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM: “Because he’s there” is not a good enough reason to stay with a boyfriend (especially, you long-distance people, when he’s not). Nor is “because breaking up sucks.”

Breaking up does suck, you guys. That’s why I’m here. But trust me, feeling sad and yucky is better than feeling confused and stuck. The latter destroys brain cells, permanently. The former — unpleasant though it may be — is the first step of the heart’s healing process. But the longer you wait once you realize you need to do the deed, the longer that process is going to take.

Love,
Breakup Girl