In more ways than one.

May … September … February 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been seeing a much younger man for about two years now (he’s 28 and I am 58). We are really crazy about each other but I am afraid that I may offer him more of a mother-figure relationship than one of a lover. We haven’t talked about “where we are” lately, but should I let him go, or make something more permanent out of it? Yes, I mean marriage. Would it be fair for someone my age to try to wed a young stud like him?

— Darry

 
Dear Darry,

Wow, that is a May-September thing (yeah, as in May 1958, September 1998). Let me ask you this: are you worried about the mother-figure thing in principle, or in practice? I mean, does your concern stem from a vague “Is this weird?” notion — or from some actual dynamic you guys have (e.g. when he didn’t call to say he’d be late for dinner, you took away his phone privileges). Or, for that matter, is there some Freud-oid episode in his past (oh, say, loss of his mother) that might predispose him to seek out a substitute? Or one in your past that might predispose you to be that substitute?

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Workplace tragedy from January 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I’ve been friends with a very attractive co-worker for about one and a half years. She works about ten feet away from me. Recently, she started flirting back with me; I had been flirtatious most of the time, but had gotten no response. I was very excited and was walking on clouds. We went on three dates, one of them was fairly passionate, and then she calls me and says she only wants to be friends. Her reason was that she felt ‘pressured by me’. When I asked her what I was doing to pressure her and offered to stop what ever it might be, she gave me no reason but said the old “it’s me, not you” line. I have to pass by her office several times a day and feel very uncomfortable. How do I cope? Help!
— BT
Dear BT,
Ah, the work breakup: the mother of all pink slips. Even though Breakup Girl works alone, very much alone, at BGHQ, she does have a little insight into the special circumstances/complications of the job-related jilt. One thing I’ve observed is that women tend to be a little more cautious than men about office romance. They’re the ones who — whether in reality or only somewhere in the back of their minds — still have to worry most about separating the personal and professional, about the whole slept-her-way-to-the-corner-office stereotype. I know she’s your co-worker (as opposed to your subordinate, or, even more “Disclosure,” your boss), but still, this may be part of what gave her the jitters.

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