Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m a college freshman currently dating a wonderful guy that I met the first week of school. As of right now, everything’s great. The only problem is this: he’s head-over-heels in love with me (a terrible problem, I know), and I’m not very commited at all. I like him and I don’t necessarily want to see other people, but I don’t want to lock myself into a long-term relationship so soon. Ideally, I would keep seeing him for a while longer, and if I didn’t start feeling something more– something that would make it worth a serious commitment– then we would break up.

Here’s the rub: we got cast opposite each other in a production of “Romeo and Juliet.” The on-stage chemistry between us is amazing. If I were to break up with him, the show would suffer tremendously. Do I have any choice but to wait until after the play is over? I hate being in a relationship that is continuing by default when it would really be better that it ended. But I can’t end this without hurting both my boyfriend and the play. ????

— Squirmy Juliet

BG’s answer after the jump!

Wanting permission on September 7, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Hello there, BG. I love your site…it has really helped me put some things into perspective. But, I still have a predicament on my hands that I haven’t been able to shake for quite some time now, and I’ve never really written publicly to ask for answers but here goes:

I am currently living with someone I met on the internet a little over 2 years ago. It all started like so:

I met her on IRC, we emailed and spoke on the phone for about 2 months, I ended up taking a trip out to finally meet her, we hit it off, 1 month later she moved to my city to live with me. Then I moved with her to her city for about 6 months. And finally now we have settled in SF and are living in a decent sized studio apartment (and paying an insane amount for it BTW). Anyways, we have always gotten along great and I really care for her, as I know she does for me. But I almost think she cares about me way more than I do.

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Straight to the point on August 31, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am seeing a guy who is older than me. He can go to bars and clubs and I can’t. Do you have any ideas on good dates that he would enjoy?

— PA Girl

Dear PA,

Yeah, I got a million (sports games, sports activities, going to movies, renting movies, eating out, baking cookies, etc.).

Does he?

Just making sure that when it comes to fun, you’re not doing all the work.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Too much of a good thing on July 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

OK — I just ended a very emotionally straining relationship ( Rock On for me! ) and I have been trying to get my life back in order. So, to make this a short story, I know this guy — we are friends — he is fun, nice, good-looking….yada, yada, yada — anyway we slept together (first off, not my style — but we were SAFE, so why not ). Anyway, after I felt really weird — so we had “the talk.” The talk of: ” That was just what it was, nothing more. We can remain friends — but we are not going to be a couple. Plus I just got out of something very horrible and I am not looking. Are you cool with that??”

Anyway, he says Yes. I think the world is a grand place.

Now, he is buying me gifts and always hanging around my desk. Finding reasons to come over.

I mention that I like a certain look on a guy to other friends, and he does it. The man has totally dyed his hair, and made other changes. ( I was not saying anything to make him change, I was just saying…if I thought he was really listening I should have said “Antonio Banderas!!”)

And I know how that sounds — “Oh a great guy likes me and he is doing nice things for me…Poor me, Oh how horrible” — but my point is this, I know that he likes me more than I like him. I would never do anything to hurt him. (My ex led me on and I know how that feels, so I won’t repeat it.)

And yet at the same time — Don’t act like we are a couple. Trust me, he will make someone very happy, it just won’t ever be me !!!

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The Predicament of the Week from July 20, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I love your column and enjoy browsing your advice. Now I’m in need of some myself.

Boy of My Dreams (BOMD) dumped me last week. Here’s the history. We’ve been together 10 months. Happy, happy, on both sides. We did well at overcoming the inevitable relationship obstacles and enjoyed the time we had together. About two months ago, a betrayal of trust occurred…but it wasn’t what you might think. BOMD lied to me, and I caught him at it. It was a whopper, but really, no serious harm occurred, except to the trust between us. I took some time away for a few days and reevaluated. I decided the relationship was worth it to me. What I didn’t do was forgive him, address why this betrayal occurred, and move on. Another month later, I was still holding this incident against him. BOMD’s frustration with this state of affairs caused him to break up with me. I panicked, realized I hadn’t done my part to get on with things, and convinced him to give it another chance. Which we both wholeheartedly did. So over the last month of the relationship, I did forgive him, I did think about why it happened, and made great efforts to improve our relationship. It worked like a charm. It was easy. We were happy and enjoying each other’s company, and life was good. BOMD admits he was as happy in our relationship as I was.

Here’s the clinker. After a fun evening out with friends, I coyly asked BOMD to come stay at my house…and kind of had to talk him into it. The next morning, I said “You know, it isn’t the end of the world, but my feelings were a little hurt that you wouldn’t want to end such a fun evening with me. But this relationship isn’t a prison — if you need to be away then I’m glad you were honest about it.” Then it all came out.

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Going with the flow on June 29, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

How would you advise someone who simply would sacrifice his own happiness for that of another? I am about to enter into a long and rather binding committment to a beautiful, loving, wonderful woman. Problem is, I’m not certain if this relationship is exactly what I want…but it certainly is what she desires.

I cannot stand the thought of ever causing this woman pain, and as a result, will likely end up sooner or later in this committment.

Any advice?

Signed,
Wishing I Could Be Less Wishy Washy

Important Breakup Girl Maxim after the jump!