Moving fast on December 14, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am currently in a relationship with a really nice guy. I told him initially that I just wanted to be friends, but he insisted that I give him a chance. I did and we are really great friends and lovers, the problem is that he lives in DC and I live in NY. He wants me to quit my job and move in with him. I love my job and I do not want to give up my job or my life for anyone. I am at the height of my career and feel that there should be some compromise on the part of both people, not just one person.

He says he agrees, but gives me this sorry excuse that he can’t move to NY. He is now talking about getting married and taking a vacation together this Christmas. He introduced me to his family, which I was not ready for at all. I have only known him for 3 months and I have expressed that I think he is moving way too fast. I have been thinking about breaking up with him, but he will not take no for an answer. I also don’t want to be rude and hurt his feelings and risk losing a great friend; but, he’s at the point where he is entirely too overbearing and pushy. Please advise.

— ATP

BG’s advice after the jump!

Doing the math on February 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have a serious problem. I can’t stay interested in a guy for more than three weeks. This has led to many problems. It also results in many heartbreaks, for the guys. I realize this isn’t healthy and I appreciate your advice.

— Kilroy Wasn’t Here

Dear Kilroy,

I’m doing a little guesswork here, but let me just state that relationship time equivalencies are as follows: 3 months calendar time = 3 weeks high school time. This, therefore, is normal.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Growing indifferent on February 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been dating this really stellar guy for three months. We have everything in common that you could possibly hope for, have a great time together, etc. etc. The problem is, I have no sparks for the man whatsoever, to the point where when I was on a recent one-week vacation, I didn’t think about him once. He’s really bitten hard by the love bug, and I think I am crazy for not feeling the same way. You think I should hold out and see if some luv develops, or should I break things off before I lead him on too much? I may be a romantic, but I would like to be with someone who makes my knees weak.

— Carrie in Chicago

 
Dear Carrie,

Funny how we want to be with someone who both supports us and makes our knees weak. Just an observation. Anyway, if, after three months, absence made the heart grow indifferent, well, there you go.

But remember, women are something like eight times more likely than men to sustain knee injuries. So take this as an ill-formed but nonetheless well-intentioned physiology metaphor: that weak-kneed feeling should be the bonus, chemistry, je ne sais quoi part of the relationship. By itself, it’s not enough to stand on.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Taking stock on February 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I can seem to meet men only in the fall or winter of each year and they never, ever last past three months (into the New Year). This has happened to me with almost all of my potential relationships — the ones that I thought would last. I try to find men in the spring, but my aura must be in hibernation. Is having this three-month limitation normal and what can I do to curb it?

— Clueless

 
Dear Clueless,

I’m thinking that sometime maybe in early February, your relationship sees its shadow and thus decides it’s gonna last — for only about six more weeks. Other than that, I can’t really account for the particular seasonal patterns in your relationship almanac, but I will say that three months does seem to be the normal human relationship gestation period. For some reason, that’s as long as it generally takes to get to know someone well enough to decide that that’s, well, enough. If you need proof that it’s not just you, let’s just say you wouldn’t believe how many letters I get that start off just like the next few do.

So there’s really nothing for you to “do” to “curb” your tendency. It’s more about the mysterious internal rhythm of relationships than it is about your, um, “aura.” But listen, Clueless, spring is almost here. Don’t let this hibernation thing become a self-fulfilling forecast.

Love,
Breakup Girl