Talking is overrated on November 2, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

A year ago I walked into the first day of class and saw the most beautiful girl I had seen in a VERY long time. I had a huge crush instantly. Everyone has certain criteria, whether they know them or not, and She meets all of mine. Intelligent, funny, caring, active, silly, an incredible smile, beautiful eyes… ouch!

Anyways, a few months later I noticed her talking to me more frequently and had the feeling something was happening but thought nothing of it. While we were in Toronto for a conference, we went out with mutual friends one night. Her friend, whom she was staying with suggested I crash at her place since it was closer. I’m thinking, “great idea, She’s staying there!” Anyways, the friend, the crush, and I went back to the friend’s place, and we stayed up talking for a while, then went to our respective rooms. 45 minutes later I’m woken up by my door opening and She’s crawling into my bed saying she was cold. I’m thinking “I will keep my hands to myself,” but that quickly changed when she started kissing the back of my neck. Anyways, skipping ahead two hours,we both agreed that we were not looking for a relationship since our course/work-load simply didn’t leave enough time for one. After getting back to school, we found that the course-load did not decrease our sex drives.

We both found that while we had trouble keeping our hands off each other, the most important part of a relationship, communication, was going nowhere. Auuugh!!! It would seem like we’d just run out of things to say. I don’t think there was anything worse than feeling like I didn’t have anything to talk to her about. I even started to plan ahead what I could talk to her about at one point! Anyways, we broke up after about one and a half months because we agreed that we were missing something pretty and important; communication.

(more…)

Opening up on October 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m a 18-year-old college student who is really shy. There’s this girl in one of my classes who I’m attracted to. I think she’s attracted to me, also. We played the little game where you look at someone and when you get caught by that person, you look away. I haven’t had a g/f in a long time. I also haven’t been really lucky for some reason with girls. We say hi to each other when we meet. But we never really talk. So I would like to know how should I go about to start talking to her? I don’t want to open myself to her so much. And I don’t want to get my hopes high either. I would really like to get to know her, but really don’t know where to start. If you have any advice, I would really appreciate it. Thanx for your time.

— Edward

Dear Edward,

Talking to someone is not the same as opening up to someone. Some people talk to each other for years without ever opening up. You start talking, you open up, little by little, as you’re ready. So take a hint from Chris (below) and pipe up.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Tongue-tied on February 23, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am seeing this guy and I like him so much that I have a hard time talking to him. I get my words mixed up and if I say anything I feel so stupid. I can talk to him on the phone but something happens to me when I try to talk to him in person and I feel like its making him lose interest. HELP ME!!!!

— Sally

Dear Sally,

Ooooh, is it David Duchovny? Because when Breakup Girl talks to David Duchovny — well, that one time when she talked to him (BG is not making this up) — the same thing happened! I like him so much that I said something really stupid! Which I really think is why he lost interest!

But in your case, no matter who the guy is, here’s what I’m worried about: excited-love-jitters are great — they’re fun, and they should never wear off completely. But they really shouldn’t get in the way every time. And problem is, now, you’re nervous about being nervous. So Sally, consider this: anyone you’re “seeing” should be someone you’re comfortable with. Someone with whom you feel smart, not stupid. Someone whom you feel you’ve got something to say to, and who likes what you have to say. If this particular match doesn’t fit that description, speak up and find one that does.

Love,
Breakup Girl