In these trying times it’s important to think of those less fortunate than ourselves. Not everyone has the power to fight crimes of the heart. Meet some sad sack characters with Superuseless Superpowers.

You’d be the worst stalker ever if you could only achieve 99% opacity like The Slightly Invisible Man. No one would feel safe falling asleep in your arms if you had superhuman strength whilst sleeping, but that’s life for The Slumberjack (a.k.a. Hercu-zzzzzz’s). So you can’t fly your date around the world simply by sticking your arms straight out, or see through anything but their see-through negligee, but it sure is better than being the man with the lukewarm touch.

According to Scientific American, yes, kind of, sort of, but it’d take a lot more than a celebrity trainer. Read the whole geek-jock Q&A — with the author of Becoming Batman: The Possibility of a Superhero — here.

(Update: more here.)