Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:00 am
MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn†columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.
This week Lynn counsels a gal who is Sad and Confused because her boyfriend of two years wants some time apart…
He said he needed time to get his head straight. But we were still seeing each other about once a week and talking a few times a week.
Sounds reasonable, but it’s been five months now. Should she keep waiting or put her foot down? Read the full letter and Lynn’s advice over at Happen, then come back here and comment below.
Filed under: Comedy — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:55 am
In the future…Allie pretty much has dated the last man on earth — and he broke her heart. Even as the biological clock ticks for her entire species, can Allie find love on DateAHuman.com? Tune into this camptastic A-Handmaid’s-Tale-meets-Earth-Girls-Are-Easy Web series (featuring FOBG Phil Lamarr) to find out!
I am currently separated from my wife of six-plus years — have two children (teens) from a prior marriage … one with me, one with her. She has the house — I have an apartment in a remote area. She has a high-power job with the county — I am unemployed. We have been separated for a month. Nothing has been said about the future. I need to know if she wants to be with me in the future???? Should I cut my losses now … and move on — ??? Am almost 50 and don’t really want to go through the dating game again. There are many unresolved issues … but I feel that if the relationship is #1 then everything else will follow suit….???
— Kevin
Dear Kevin,
Okay. I mean this gently: you are definitely lost in space. About whether your wife wants to be with you in the future: well, I don’t intend to be flip, but don’t ask Breakup Girl, ask her. If she does, make a plan. How will you resolve these unresolved issues? What has to happen before she’s ready to have you back in the house? If not, make a plan: how will you handle making this separation official? If she’s not sure…make a plan: when — and how — will she know?
Here’s the danger, Will Robinson. If the relationship “is #1,” then yes, as you say, other things may follow suit. But this is not magic. Thinking “Okay, if I can fix my relationship, then everything else — my job, my future — will be fixed, too!” is about as effective a plan as casting Matt LeBlanc in a scifi thriller. “Other things” “happen” to follow suit as a result of actually vaulting out of limbo, refusing to settle, and taking charge of what’s going on in all areas of your life — not just crossing your fingers, hoping, and idealizing. You may be in space, but you’re not weightless.
Does Breakup Girl have advice for a separated mom who feels like she is in limbo? My husband decided he wanted space. He moved out and now I am still in the house with the kids. It’s not like I am fond of rejection, but I feel like I should try to make it work before calling it off. It’s been five years, and it was supposed to be forever. I don’t know if there is someone else. Maybe, but he works 90 hours a week, so I don’t know when. Thanks.
— Lonely in Suburbia
Dear Lonely,
It was supposed to be forever, and the fact that it may not be really, really stinks. But when you’re ready, you’re going to have to deal with this as a matter of practicality, not principle. You may not be able to “make” the relationship work with some assemblage of words, actions, and tactics, the way the guys in “Apollo 13” made the rocket work with styrofoam, a fan belt, and a Slinky. But you can set up a framework in which both of you can figure out if it’s going to work.
I have been with this great guy for about four years. However, all of a sudden he decided that we need space, so he can focus on himself and the issues of how he thinks he treats me and that type of thing. He is a really hard thinker and has to focus on one thing at a time. He said there is nothing that I did, but he thinks that he depends on me too much. We are in love, but are SUPPOSEDLY having space. Now we really haven’t had the space because we are best friends and we still spend time together occasionally. He assures me that I am the love of his life and we will be married one day, and all of that, but I want to know just what I am supposed to do to give him space. I want this to be over as soon as possible because my heart hurts knowing that we are committed to each other but not totally together. Should I be alarmed about this, or just have faith in our love? We have been sweethearts since high school, so therefore, I understand some things that may go through his head. HELP.
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