British literature has spawned many of our romantic ideals, from Romeo to Mr. Darcy. Posted without commentary, Carrie Frye at the Awl has compiled a list of 111 Male Characters Of British Literature, In Order Of Bangability. But of course British literature is not all Shakespeare and Jane Austin, so the author must tackle questions such as, Who would you rather do: Frankenstein or Uriah Heep? (Numbers 111 and 110 respectively!) Here’s how some other favorites fared:

96. Dr. Watson (“A Study In Scarlet”)
95. Willy Wonka (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)
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78. Leopold Bloom (Ulysses)
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63. Romeo (Romeo and Juliet)
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49. Dorian Gray (The Picture of Dorian Gray)
48. King Arthur (The Once and Future King)
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44. Robin Hood (Piers Plowman)
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34. Tarzan/Lord Greystoke (Tarzan of the Apes)
33. Severus Snape (Harry Potter and the Philospher’s Stone)
32. Aslan (The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe)
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23. James Bond (Casino Royale)
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12. Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)
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3. Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)
2. Strider/ Aragorn (The Lord of the Rings)
1. Mr. Rochester (Jane Eyre)

Check out the full list at The Awl!

OK, so maybe it’s not exactly revenge to read that muscular men have more sexual partners and tend to lose their virginity at an earlier age than untoned dudes. But payback time’s a comin’: turns out skinny guys actually live longer. Ain’t no party like a retirement-home party!

According to a recent evolutionary psychology study from the University of Pittsburgh, “The beefier the man… the more sexual partners he had. [But] compared to skinnies…muscular men also tended to producer fewer infection-fighting white blood cells and less of an important immune molecule.”  Point, emo dudes.